Divorced, Dating, and Parenting

[~Sol]

Is dating fun or more like a "chore"? I had another first-time meet with someone I met over the internets on a popular and free singles social site. While they are all nice ladies, I can't help to wonder why their online persona just doesn't match up to their real-life persona. And then there are the photographs....it's a well-known rule to post your most current and accurate photo that represents you - right? OK, let me tell you about this lady then.

I see her photo and she makes contact with me first. I think, hey, this is cool of her to give me a "wink". So I reply to it after seeing her photo. She is not half-bad, kinda cute to be honest. Her age was in the mid-40's, which is my limit in max age, and I think to myself - "hey, this person knows how to take care of themself", or so I think. So we chat online via IM, and even exchange phone numbers so we can text. So far so good, she's a lady and I'm a gentleman. After 2 days we set up to meet in person because I have learned a BIG lesson in online dating - get to know them in real life BEFORE investing too much time via texts, phone calls, emails, to be sure that there is some attraction there! (others call it chemistry). You can have one kind of attraction over their photo, and communication, but it's not a real attraction as seeing that person in real life, and photos don't really portray the real you. The good thing was that she was local, so it was real easy to set up a meeting.

So I'm at a local coffee shop, the one with the half-woman, half 2 tailed fish, and I get their first. After seeing her photo and being somewhat attracted (online attraction), I am hoping in the back of my mind that she will turn out to be one of 2 possible ways - the same as her photo, or not the same as her photo. A few minutes later, I see a woman enter the coffee shop, and I recognize her face. It's her. As soon as she walks in, my attraction meter goes from a 7, to a 0. (The attraction meter is on a scale of 1 - 10, 10 being she's the one and she is oh soooo hot!) Her real-life appearance did NOT resemble what she portrayed in her online photo at all, she looked much older and had a completely different persona than I had imagined! So what do I do? My first reaction was - Oh. Then I got the biggest urge to just bolt out the door! But I thought, that would not be very "gentlemanly", so I fought all urges to escape and just make the best of it. We actually talked for an hour, had our coffee, and said our goodbyes. I could tell she was still interested, but I was just not into her. It's not just me that wants to date someone - it's me and my daughter, we come as a package, and I have to be very selective about who I want to call my "girlfriend", and I also won't settle for less anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I am not into "hot looking babes" only, but if that's what I get hey - I'm not complaining. I know what I want in a woman, I have my standards, as does the opposite sex. But if I see someone I am very attracted to - all I want from her is to give me a chance, and I would do the same - but we have to have that attraction from the start, then the dating can happen to see if there is true compatibility and a sincere likeness for each other. Starting a new relationship takes time, but I don't just wanna dive into one after having some "unsuccessful dates" and coming out of a bad 10 year relationship - that changes a person, and I know I am still a work in progress - but I want to progress in a positive direction.

So what else can I say about dating? I still enjoy it, and I know there are some things about me I need to keep working on, even though I think I may never be "fixed". My mind, body and spirit are all out of whack, and I am trying to restore these things that make us what we are as a complete person. I need to exercise, even if its just walking or hiking, keep a positive attitude and perspective, and think about spirituality. I also don't want to be turned off by a few "bad dates" - or ones that don't really spark that old spark, but keep an open mind about it. To be honest it's kinda tricky to be dating and be raising a child, it was much easier to do the raising when living with my ex. Sometimes it can be discouraging, as I find that I am on again - off again with dating, and think I am not that interesting for women to come calling. I'm 40, but I still feel like I'm 28, and I don't show my age. I think I'm an "OK" looking guy, I've had girlfriends before, a few hot ones, and a wife. So why is it that its hard to find a woman that I really like and wanna date right now? I'll just keep working on me I guess and keep at this dating thing!