WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

3 Things I did today to GAL:

1 - Replaced my own headlight and rear wiper blade (I am woman, hear me ROAR!)

2 - Sat by the lake and just listened to the surrounding sounds - no thinking allowed!

3 - Went to a recycling store for home reno stuff - found a deep soaker tub for $75 that might be nice in my bathroom - it needs a renovation... (trying to convince some equally clueless friends that "sure we could do it ourselves together!) LOL

Will have more than 3 today.. going to the spa in about an hour!

[C-Bart]

Good things. Here are mine:

1. went to the gym
2. Played 18 holes of golf.
3. Ignored W's phone calls (does this count?)

[DiamondGirl]

Lots of negative people around me telling me that I'm crazy to even consider a possibility to take H back. That any good feelings I have are not for him, but that I miss someone loving and appreciating me. That he was never really good to me or for me and he only proved it by the actions in the last year.

H's family seems to be embracing OW more and more.. I found out about a niece's accomplishment because a comment from OW was on my niece's facebook page about it. Even the SIL that hated what H has done is now friends with her. I feel like I'm being systematically and coldly shut out by all of them.
The sense of loss is overwhelming.

SIL1 kicked him out and told H that he would not be able to go back unless he stopped touching my money. She said that his trying to touch the disability money was crossing the line. H apparently finally agreed to her condition and is on his way back to her place. SIL2 feels that he is using them for $$$ and doesn't want him coming back.

SIL1 seems to buying into H's claim that I was a horrible wife to him and that he finally couldn't take it any more and found someone else... Said that H built every ounce of the life I am enjoying right now and I should be careful that he's going to try and take it all away through the courts.

Am I really looking at my M through false positives? Was I really the horrible wife everyone thinks I am? Was he really that bad for me to begin with?

I'm feeling so alone in my feelings right now...

How do you write off someone you have always loved unconditionally?

[flowmom]

It's so hard to be objective DG. H could make me sound like a horrible wench...or a dream woman. The eyes of a lover see differently than the eyes of a WAS. It is a good time to look at your H and decide for yourself if you want him back. No one else can make that decision for you. Way to go on the 3 things!

[Mila]

DG, I'm sorry that you are having a bad day. Please don't believe that you were a horrible wife, you weren't. If there were problems in the marriage you have both contributed.

I know from my own experience how my H loved me and respected me for 37 years and how he sees me and our marriage now. It's like someone switched a switch. Your WH has to justify why he is with the OW. So he's found his reason "You were a bad wife"... that does it for him, gives him the permission in his mind to do what he is doing. He can't allow himself any feelings for you now.

I know, I hate it, especially when he tells this re-written history to his sister. And I have no way of defending myself. She's known me for 37 years and now she probably thinks that I'm the cause of our marriage break-up.

[DiamondGirl]

Yeah.. it's hard to take... And I'm just as sure you weren't the cause of your marriage break-up.

Apparently it's called "gaslighting" (thanks Max!)...

I've reserved a book at the library to read up on it called "The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life" By Robin Stern, Ph.D

First step... (2x4 to self) stop talking to SIL.. even if she contacts me keep it brief and not about H... *sigh*

Second step... still follow through on plans for the rest of the weekend...

[DiamondGirl]

Of course it counts! LOL

[DiamondGirl]

Sorely tempted to call or email OW and tell her to float loverboy a loan so he'll stay away from my son's disability!!!

H managed to sneak another $100 out of our joint account (and our mortgage payment)... it put my account in the negative... (I didn't see it until the info upload after the weekend)

Almost done moving over the bills etc so I can close that account.. Easter holiday made it take longer..

[DiamondGirl]

The last 4 days have been kind of crappy so I'm posting my things over the span of them (so don't hold me to the 3 per day k? LOL)

Things I did RECENTLY to GAL:

1. Had an Easter egg hunt in my front yard for kiddos and a friend's son

2. Bought myself a new Australian-style stetson (Had one as a teen and decided even if I don't wear it often, it's still good!)

3. Went to the dentist (yes, this is a positive thing! I always made sure everyone else got there but never me... and it'll show in the final bill I'm sure) Will get free pro whitening out of it in the end too!

4. Treated myself to two movie rentals that I wanted to see (it was nice not to have to discuss what to order with anyone actually)

5. Sat by the lake this morning and just listened without thinking too much about things...

[DiamondGirl]

Great... a mutual friend of H's and mine commented on H's photo with OW.. which put it on my profile page!!!

God.. HURTING does not even begin to express how I feel seeing them together like that...

Why can't I just hate him???