setting boundaries when not clear if A is over

[gatsby11]

Hey Piano, now that I'm posting on this, I'll check this thread better. . . I'm still figuring out how to make navigating this site easy.

I don't have much advice on the money/dividing assets sitch.

But here's what I did: when I was angry (I had just heard that he made out with a coworker-- I was still living with his sister), I went to the bank straight away and split 50/50. I told him to get his own credit card, which he did willingly. Then I checked the balance of the cc we shared and I emailed him that he owed me. See, for me, I was definitely protecting my money. He was spending soooooo much on restaurants and new clothes and stuff. And I had to save what I had. So it was really easy for me to split the joint account. Plus, as someone one this site somewhere has said, many married couples have separate accounts, so it didn't seem too serious to me.

Later, when he wanted to borrow money from me, I quickly froze all of our joint investments. That was also a protective move.

Last, I just wrote (as I put in my thread) a settlement agreement. That I want him to sign on Sunday, coincidentally. But it lays out a child support agreement, that all of our joint investments will stay frozen, that we will both pay for our own living expenses, and some other details. I would share it with you if you wanted to copy my style. . . I spent quite a few hours writing it up, and then I sent it to a lawyer to look over. I don't know how to share it, though, on this site, so it may not work.

But for me, I feel relief knowing that finances are set up. I don't think it makes us closer to a divorce. But it does make this whole thing more of a reality for him. I have a feeling when he sees my settlement agreement, he will start freaking out-- he no longer has the cush joint account with my scant spending habits! And I have the security of knowing that I've protected as much as I could.

So, I hesitate to give advice, because I don't consider myself an expert and I think everyone's situations are different, but I did want to let you know how it went with me.

Hope all is well. .