What does this mean?- the WH's regrets?

[gatsby11]

I've had a weird thought. I've read on this site a few times that one should do a 180. And being detached is totally the natural me! I even told him when all this was starting that I could get over him and move on, and I meant it. He said that I didn't need him, and I somewhat agreed. (I don't even know what exactly it means to "need somebody"-- I got into a more philosophical mode instead of what he maybe meant.)

At the same time, I did text him that I loved him a few weeks ago. That's not detached.

I guess I'm confused about what a 180 means for me! If it means doing what seems unnatural, then me "needing" him would be it.

Weird.

I do have this insight, though: he has always wanted opposing things from me. Like hug me, but don't touch me. Adore me, but leave me alone. Need me, but give me space. That kind of thing. I've definitely told him that he wants both things from me at once. But what I've always given is the latter. The former only when I'm really sure that's what he wants.

So. . . just something I'm thinking of. Texting something like "missing you" or something. I don't have anything to lose, really. Nope, not at all!

Then again, 3 weeks of NC made some positive changes so maybe I should keep going with that. . . I don't know. Just thinking. . .