good jasper! How was the movie? A favorite of mine too. Day by day my friend. My part of the fla was beaitiful today. AMAZINGLY beautiful! We are blessed to live in such a wonderful state. I am remembering correctly you are a fellow Floridian?
Not sure where you are but you should take your birth sister somewhere outside to enjoy the weather.
You will make it through this...as you said some time has to pass.., while you focus on YOU.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Thanks for checking in...the movie was good- its funny, I NEVER thought I'd be caught saying the original was better- I guess I'm starting to get a bit older (sound like my dad) lol...I saw the original like 100xs when I as 8-10 years old; guess its hard to compete w/ the imagination I had back then.
I'm in SE FL...very far south...it was awesome. The plan for tomorrow is lunch and the beach or walkin around. Then dinner w/ a different friend from work...goal- not mentioning my sitch.
Have an update and it's kinda throwing me off...
W texted me "why are u ignoring me?"
This will be the first contact necessitating a reply (kind of). I dont want to seem childish and not reply, nor do I want to say yet another boundary...
Sadly 2 weeks ago I effed up...I spoke w/ W and said I was upset that MIL was so uncomfortable w/ me during the move. W said "well you said there wont be a friendship, so why does it matter?" Unfortunately, I backed down from my boundary and was "meltyman"- "oh, there will be some type of friendship eventually..."
BLECH!
Our last conversation was OM/sitch related and somewhat 'confrontational'- me reminding her of my POV of the sitch and her actions...since then I haven't spoken to her at all.
I feel really good NC- sure I still think about her, but I'm not SO caught up on her anymore.
I am really wondering what I should say...if anything at all. I want to move on and I don't want to make her feel good, knowing I think about her or to appease her guilt or whatever...
Is it rude or childish to simply not reply to her text?
I am dealing with the same dilemna. W (I think) is still w/ OM. You do not want to cultivate the idea that you are mad or ignoring. You are not trying to force behaviors here IMO because it will be an endless cycle of you playing that game.
She knows you don't want a relationship with her while OM is still in picture.
Instead you have to be the pillar of confidence, courage and strength. I have told my W that I will give her space, wait, work on myself, be joyful and most of all be patient. I do this for ME and my M. I am standing up for my M by being the best person I can be. That means I am taking care of ME.
There is no way you can force behaviors that result in genuine change. If you force and she isn't ready you'll be back here quickly.
You feel melty I think because you are not clear on purpose. IMO going dark has to be for YOU- not to force change. Go dark if you need the boundary for your own health and sanity. A boundary is something to protect YOU. Not to force behavior.
I think if you can handle it, it is better to be the cool dude here and if she fires one over the net at you then you confidently lob it back. I think you don't contact her but if she contacts you then... an opportunity to present the cool dude you've become.
"I'm not ignoring you. Is there something you want to talk about?"
Do not pursue! And don't talk about R. If she brings it up then validate, just listen-DON'T ARGUE. She has already contacted you after the dark stage so it will continue to happen. When she does she gets to talk to cool, confident Jasper.
Not the Jasper that she kicked in the nuts.
Now the trick my friend is you actually have to BE the cool, confident Jasper. And...
... you are getting there my friend with your detaching and GALing.
Just think... when she calls... you just put on side two of Led Zeppelin Four and be the man! (sorry a little Fast Times a R High reference).
Stay with it man ...you'll get there.
P.S. I was born in SE FLA a lot going on down there for cool, confident cat!
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
I agree Gno- I haven't replied, nor will I. I have nothing to say to W anyway- nothing that will help at least...I do have a ton of stuff to say ranging from: yelling, obscenities, teaching, convincing, and of course begging...
But nothing at all is best. I set a goal of 45 days NC- so I can be in a better place...even at that point, if she's w/ OM I have nothing to say to her.
I do feel better w/ NC, but I def have my moments- ie- today, seeing my birthsister- would have loved to have had my old W there w/ me for it...
thanks for the input...looking forward to GALing tonight.
I have nothing to say to W anyway- nothing that will help at least...I do have a ton of stuff to say ranging from: yelling, obscenities, teaching, convincing, and of course begging.....But nothing at all is best. I set a goal of 45 days NC- so I can be in a better place...
Jasper, 45 days is a good amount of time. You will notice feeling better after a quarter of that time - and this will be good for you. I have just ended 5 weeks NC and I reacted better to a recent communication with WAH than I would have before the 5 weeks. I wasn't perfect, but definately an improvement. I am thinking of you.
Thanks Piano- Here's my sitch: 1 of 4 things are going to happen (no time limit yet) 1- W files 2- I heal and become ready, I file 3-I heal, meet someone, I file 4- W asks/wants to come back
number 4 is least probable- truthfully, number 3 is more likely to occur, but not trying to make it happen. number 2 may be a while- we'll see how I feel after 45 days NC who knows about number 1...
I GALd like a king and actually really enjoyed my company- so maybe I'm lying about number 3...lol.
still being respectful to my non-existant M; but def se how easy it is to get over someone by having another person in the sitch...she knows my sitch so no boundary issues...just very nice not talking about my sitch and getting to know someone better.
I do not recommend it, but I have read many other people suggest "non-involved dating" to be good for GAL, confidence, and seeing reality.
