Last weekend, I finally got to see where my H is living for the past couple of years. It is your average apartment with a couch, a table and a bed. To me it reeked of depression...kind of cluttered, dark and dingy. It kind of made me feel angry to see it, not really understanding why he would choose to live there over being in a nice house with me. All I can figure out is the apartment was his way to escape and not deal with anything.
This was a huge step on your husband's part to allow you to see where he's been living for the past two years, Upside. He is letting you into HIS world and HIS space that has NOTHING to do you and everything to do with him.
The teenager, that he still is at this point, lives simply, not elaborately, hence the couch, table and bed he's furnished it with. It's a kind of "starting from scratch with less than nothing"; working forward into better things for him...letting you in signifies that he trusts you to see this and not judge him for it.
There are many unanswered questions that you will never have answered, such as, why he's chosen to live like this. He might explain it later, and he might not.
It's my thinking that this "room" holds many dark memories within, things he's sorted out over the time he's lived there. He's making sure, by taking this step that you're willing to accept ALL that he is at this point, just as he's accepting you. Doesn't make sense, I know..but the fact he's allowed you in tells me it seems to be another one of the steps toward coming back to you and that nice house.
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I went to part of my H's C session the other night. The C told me he was extremely pleased with my H's progress. The C confirmed again that my H loves me and wants our M. He even asked why we aren't wearing our wedding rings. I kind of figured if my H ever moves home, we might start wearing our rings then. I did try on my rings after the C's suggestion but it just didn't feel right yet especially since my H isn't even back home. I think I need to know for sure he isn't going to run away again before I put them back on.
Two of the major decisions they should make while within Withdrawal is whether they want to continue with the marriage or not, and whether they still love the LBS or not.
Apparently, the counselor has been told by your husband that (1)He loves you (2) He wants the marriage.
This is yet another HUGE hurdle within the crisis, that must be navigated before the MLC'er decides to continue with the current marriage. This is ALSO good news for you and for him.
He must learn, not only to accept himself, but you, too, and it should be a permanent decision on his part.
I do not believe he will run again, after having made that type of monumental decision. I could be wrong, but if I remember this right, once those two "life" decisions are cemented and settled within himself, the running is supposed to finish in that particular area.
I don't think his homecoming will be much longer.
Enjoy your vacation, you've worked long and hard for it.
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HB-Glad to hear your H is getting a little better. Hopefully things are improving between the two of you as well. Thanks as always for your support...I know I will be fine. You will too.
Thanks, Upside, things are well between my husband and I at this point in time. I'd known I was needed at home; and things are improving between us; something is settling within him once again. We've butted heads several times this week, but it was necessary...can't live with someone and not argue with them at some point. LOL!! He's suffering some pain because of the air cast, he's been trying to put some weight on his ankle, and it's hurting him. I can't help him because I've not gone through this, and so, I'm just watching him go through.
Please do keep us posted on what happens..it looks like your husband is coming along just fine; more work will be done when he comes home. It will be an adjustment for the both of you when he moves back..you may have to dig even deeper for patience and understanding, and the navigation into Acceptance for him will continue to happen within himself as he settles into his new life with you.
I have been keeping both of you in my prayers and thoughts, and watching for updates whenever you can drop by and post them.
May God continue to be with you both as your husband continues toward the finishing of his journey.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
