Do I really want to save this marriage?

[ediemarie]

Hi Brenalim -
Sorry you're here, but welcome.
I've lived what you've lived. My h had an affair, and continued after I called him out on it and he admitted it - we've never lived separately. I revealed it to family/friends (I don't recommend that btw - it definitely made things more difficult for us, even now, and didn't make much of a difference to my H) and eventually H came out of the fog. Come the end of march we'll be four years post bomb.

Here's the thing about all of this: this is about your HUSBAND. It's not about you. Therefore, there isn't anything you can do to make him change his behavior. Just as he chose to start it, HE has to choose to stop it. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to.

Thus, Jasper briefly provided you with your options. You have to choose what you want. Do you want to hang on and wait it out? Do you want to throw in the towel? Those are YOUR choices right now. Wait it out - walk away. If you're willing to wait it out, there are things you can do to make a difference in your life. Those things MAY affect your H/marriage, but they may not. Likewise walking away would do the same.

FWIW, i asked my H what would have happened if I had an affair while he was having his and he said "I'd be happy that you found someone that made you happy." He was so far gone at the time that even me having an A wouldn't have fazed him in the least.

Hang in there and keep posting. The more you post, the more everyone can weigh in.

((((brenalim))))