ow coaching your H, the two of them together are nuttier than squirrel sh*t
Hahaha SA - Could I frame this quote?
You are right Daughter is forming her own picture...unfortunately. Having the "best dad in the world" (as she used to say) is going down the drain fast...
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She is at an age where if she wants her dad to know something she can tell him herself. Not your job anymore.
SA - she did tell him. She texted him that she is sick. That's when he called me to complain that I didn't call him.
I would definitely call him if she ended up in the hospital or with anything else that was more serious. But really...he's abandoned us...Am I obligated to call him when she has bronchitis? Especially when he doesn't seem to be in touch with her on his own. She is 16, it would be different if she was younger.
I bet I if called him with every cold or scrape she gets he would see that as persuing.
Yet again I feel damned if I do damned if I don't.
Last edited by Mila; 04/03/1001:04 AM.
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Mila, I realize your D texted him, so he was told. Not sure why he thought it was necessary to call you up and complain. All I can figure is he was projecting his guilt on to you. Still deep in the tunnel.
He chose this path when he abandoned you and your D. There's a price to be paid and as high as it is for us, it's higher for them. The thing is we're paying it now, they'll pay it later, with interest, when they wake up. The good thing for us is that we get to pay on the installment plan, they'll get hit with it all at once.
Don't beat yourself up girl, you're doing great! The only reason you didn't win this one was because you were coming at it logically. No way was it going to make sense to a MLCer.
After the "exchange" of words with my WS yesterday I'm kind of down. I'm thinking that I must be delusional thinking that he will ever come out of this and be the loving husband that he used to be...ever again. The lack of concern for me and my daughter shows me how little he cares about us. From a guy that couldn't even go couple of hours without knowing where we are, what we are doing, when we are going to be back home...he used to be almost over-protective of us...now he just doesn't seem to give a damn what will become of us.
Last week I told him that I had a doctor's appointment and needed to change the time for our meeting....he didn't even ask me why I'm seeing a doctor or if I'm OK.
Yet again I'm questioning that this MLC is just something we choose to believe in to keep hope alive. Maybe the just stopped loving us and that's that....the end
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Mila-I had one of those days yesterday too! I was just reading on DU's thread something that eric posted about self-prophecy...hang in there! It is a fine line isn't it? We want to keep that little bit of hope but it makes it hard to drop the rope. Most of the success stories on here started with dropping the rope! And, with you being in business with your H, it is harder to do that. Since your H is being very selfish right now, it probably didn't even occur to him to ask why you were going to the Dr...he has become the opposite and as a wise person (thanks HB) has pointed out, we must also become the opposite!!! Hang in there and try and have a great weekend!!!
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CW, thank you I know that you are right, I'm not giving up!!!! I just have to grow thicker skin so nothing he does will hurt me anymore. I think that I'm propably more emotional because of Easter. This is the first Holiday without him, I'm not even inviting friends over because daughter is sick, I'm really pushing myself to at least color some Easter eggs and maybe bake something yummy. Usually I would cook a big ham dinner, but for just for the two of us???? I'm just not motivated
I use this board to reflect my inner thoughts and as you know the internal struggles with our emotions keep changing like the tide....Some days I cope fine, some days he gets to me...like now
I will get out of it....detach...be patient...GAL....I know the drill...
(((hugs)))
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Mila, they are like that at the beginning. It's not you, it's them. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that he's not thinking like he usually does. It will pass.
Also, what CW said is true, about the rope. Right now he has nothing to lose, so why not do what he's doing? He's not loosing you, you are right there. But it takes time to see and you are still so early in this. I'm at almost a year, and dropped the rope somewhat, and H is finally really starting to see what he might loose. It's just the way it seems to work, who knows why.
And OW complicates things because there's a hormonal high that he's influenced by and there is nothing you can do about that. It will wear off, but not today or tomorrow. It will take many months to dissipate.
It would, however, be helped by OW loosing something as well. What is wrong with OW's husband? Why is he letting her into the house all the time to be with the kids. Does he think she will be seduced back to her family by chores? She has to realize what she will loose too. She left her house, so technically she abandoned her kids. Nice. He will probably get tougher eventually, and when that happens, with both of them standing to loose too much, new doors will open up.
Until then, stay strong. Try to remember that time must pass for things to change. I know it's impossible and the feelings are rotten, am there too . Breath deeply. Take one day at a time. Just tell yourself that you are not going to react... today.
Mila and CW, what is it with us three? I'm dealing with the same feelings right now. That maybe H just stopped loving me because he could sure care less about me anymore and very little about the kids. In an email he wrote to me just after he left he said he had to leave before he started resenting me and the kids. Obviously he already did.
I do know one thing my H was depressed for quite a while before he left, but could never really tell me why. First it was one thing and then another and it kept changing. He would tell me that he felt that all he was doing was just existing. There was no happiness or joy in his life.
MLC or depression, maybe both, who knows for sure. Do WAS's ever change their minds and return?
I'll tell you one thing ladies, I'm reaching inside and digging deep to find the happiness that I know is there and counting my blessings.
SCH thank you my friend. I know it's early in the game, I shouldn't and I don't expect his affair to be over anytime soon...This affair is just making the transition from "secret" to "public". It has to "play out" it may take months (It started a year ago).
I asked OW's husband why doesn't he hire a nanny why does he let her come to the house and pretend that she is a dutiful wife and mother when he knows that at night she goes to bed with another man.
OW's H said that he doesn't mind her continuing with her "duties". He reasons that she will have no time for WH and she will realize she will have to choose between the kids and WH. If he lets her continue taking care of the house and the kids during the week then she also wants to spend time with the kids on the weekend and the kids refuse to have anything to do with WH or to be in his presence. She will also have to get a part time job to support her self....when will she have time for her "new life with WH"? Also OW's large family has totally rejected her. OW's H also said that he will fight for the full custody of the kids even if it'll cost him every penny he has.
Well that's his strategy, who knows how things play out on that end.
Time is on my side...yes it is (song)
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