Thank you all - you don't know how much it means to me.
I will respond later - just have a small break with S for a minute.
I shouldn't even be in piecing because it was a lie. We are not.
Suffice it to say, H continued to try to stick it to me and upset me today - pressing for alone time with S ONLY during the times I had plans...thank god I had a friend here and she kept me cool. I just said, "Whatever you want to do" and even though I feel totally bullied I let it go at that.
Didn't sleep last night one wink so I'm going for a nap at my neighbor's when H arrives...then back to being with S. I'll post more later.
Learning that is Ok to SLOOOWW down is SO vital in this process. They use this tactic to confuse (at least my husband does). I slow everything down now, my reactions to what he says, my speach, everything is slower.
But I STILL fail at times--he got me the other day when he started getting heated about something and then said his parents think I'm a "money grubber".
Wow--WHAT???? I got sucked in. I get along GREAT with his parents, have no idea if this is true or not, and think they'd probably be mortified if they knew he said that about them.
I started to argue/defend--yup, he went into a tirade.
LauraOH: They use this tactic to confuse (at least my husband does). I slow everything down now, my reactions to what he says, my speach, everything is slower.
Maybe your H does not do this on purpose. Maybe he just talks fast when he's upset or in a mood or angry. I'm sure he doesn't set out to "flood" or "confuse" you. That's just the result.
Got some amazing support from all of you and a couple friends in the flesh.
I don't know why even though H was so horrible to me, I still ache with the loss. I feel like I don't know how to put one foot in front of the other sometimes.
Of course you ache with the loss H4L! He is so near yet so far. You've seen progress and dealt with some major bombs...both in the last week. Whether calculated or not, this is screwing with your head...and your heart! Be super gentle with yourself and I agree with LauraOh's advice to leave situations where there is any verbal abuse...though I know that's complicated by not necessarily wanting to leave your S behind with your H.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I have to do the space thing. I'm so ashamed at how I messed this up. All I can do is do better today.
WHAT? YOU MESSED UP?
He tells you that he has a GF and you messed up?
Hope4, You know what I did after I found pictures of my W with another man (lacking clothes)... I started crying and begged HER to give ME another chance. SHE cheated on me and I asked HER for another chance? (Wouldn’t happen now)
You did not mess up lady. Your reaction was natural. I can see his point about the phone but still if he did not give you reason to believe you needed to do that it would not have happened. Screw giving him space lady... YOU need to get away for a while...Give yourself and your brain a break. I too felt I “messed up” but even if I did. I found I needed to take care of myself. You too need to take care of yourself. I have not been reading along for very long but it seems to me HE has you programmed woman. You sound like a “stepford wife “
“Stepford Wives is about a small suburb where the women happily go about their housework - cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking gourmet meals - to please their husbands. Unfortunately, Bobbie and Joanna discover that the village's wives have been replaced with robots, and Joanna'a husband wants in on the action”
I hope you had some rest. Lack of sleep does cloud the mind. YOU DID NOT MESS UP
Virtual hug to ya Doc
Last edited by Dr LOve; 04/03/1005:24 AM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hope, sorry for not answering to your question esrlier...
My advice for space, was referring to this crisis. You cant reasonate with an angry man that looks for justifications for what he has been doing. You cant make someone become tender when he wants to hurt you. You were looking for compassion from a man that hates his guts.
You need to step back now. Dr.Love says for you, I agree, and I say for both of you. Ignore what he said, they say the meanest things, I had a chit soul, was the worst person he had ever met... things I will probably not forget but know he didnt mean them. He was trying to hurt me and he managed to do that.
Take care of you and when you feel better, then you decide what you do and if what you are doing works. K
