Mila said... "In my (kind of long) life I went through some very challenging (strength building) times, but I tell you...nothing prepared me for this."
Mila, I think this is the toughest thing I've ever had to go through, and I've gone through some things too. It just amazes me that about 50% of the population goes through this. Just unbelievable.
You're going to be fine, hang in there!
As for those Clinton tickets, does he get 2? Do you 2 go as business partners? Do you as 50% business co-owner get any benefits from joining that organization? Sounds like he's trying to create a leisure income stream off the business. Be careful. Nutty MLCers, so strange. I guess the "seeing new possibilites" thing in life is a good thing of MLC. It's just the selection of non-sustainable choices, and the damage and hurt they do, that makes it a poor life choice not a healthy one, hope that makes sense.
SCH, Thank you I totally agree with your observations.
Just Journaling...
I think that I saw OW in a clothing store yesterday. Not sure if it was her, I'd only met he once more then 6 months ago. Looked much thinner and kind of sad...if it was her. I don't think she recognized me. It fits, her H said that she will be in town this week as he made an appointment for her to go and see a psychiatrist for a full "psych evaluation". So she is probably staying at WH's place. I think that the more time they spend together the better...reality will sink in faster? At least for her I hope. According to her H, she is a spoiled princess used to the "good life" and used to getting everything she wants. I'm not dwelling on them, honestly...right now I don't care what they do, I'm just observing.
Ever since I stopped "sharing" info with OW's Husband, he stopped calling...that confirms that he was just using me for ammunition.
WH sent me an e-mail yesterday that he would like to come and "help me" work on the house...yard...get house ready for sale. Easter Sunday & Monday. First I planned to have friends over for Easter Dinner, but daughter is sick - bronchitis, is on antibiotics and it's contiguous. Therefore not much Easter GAL for us. May as well work on the house with WH all Easter weekend .
Other then that, I'm doing pretty good. I'm starting to be more optimistic about the future (with or without him). What I couldn't even face a couple of months ago (selling the house and moving) I'm now ready for. I know that it will be an incredible amount of work, but I can do it.
My goal for next year is to re-gain some of my house equity that will be lost after separating our finances and paying off all joint debt.
In a year my daughter is going to start university, so I think that at that time I would like move us closer to it (only 50 miles or so but real-estate is even more expensive there then here) so she doesn't have co commute or pay for a dorm. So that leaves me a year in here until she finishes High school.
I'm hoping to buy a larger house with a separate suite that I would rent out (to help with mortgage). A house that needs some updating (I'm good at that...have done it before) to increase it's value and hopefully make some money on it when I sell in a year. Will see, it all depends on what I can sell my house for and if I find the "right" property to improve.
Happy Easter Everyone
Last edited by Mila; 04/02/1006:14 PM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
You ARE selling the house? Yikes! Oh, major ((( hugs ))).
A word of advice, take it if you wish, or not, but do NOT list the house without seeing a L. It's a marital asset, mixed in with a family business, during a separation (and you are technically legally separated since he moved out). If your WH does not come back, it is your financial future and your daughters that is up for grabs (versus his starting a new life with OW)... please be careful.
I have a question for you, I've been thinking about your sitch. If WH and OW were to stay together, how would they be supported? OW's husband is not going to give her much if she leaves, and doesn't have her kids with her. I thought you said somewhere that she quit work a few years ago as a CEO or something. Is she going back to work? Is she going to start a new business with WH? Is your WH going to support her off of your family business, the one YOU are working on?
Some of this doesn't make sense. I think you have an opportunity here. I think you are very in competition with OW for your H, she knows it, but because of the emotional time you are going through it is hard to see. If you independently had a thriving business, and he had nothing, he would need you. That opens the door to you and WH being partners again. If she was supporting them he would need her. If he had YOUR business, he would waffle in the middle (like he is). Does any of this make sense? Can you go dark and take over the business and make it succeed, and stay in your house, or is the skill set too split between you and H?
SCH - thanks for looking out for me Our business is based on H's expertise. I'm the business manager. I'm easier to replace. I can't just take it over, or to buy him out. According to her H, OW is quite well off, is able to support herself from her investments until her divorce is done and then she will have 1/2 of the marital assets as well.
There is the issue of distance between H & OW. She won't move here because of her kids. She apparently goes to the house in the morning makes them breakfast, takes them to school, cooks, cleans, does the laundry, groceries, brings the kids home from school and then goes to her apartment. Apparently she plans to take a part time job to support her self.
WH can't move there because our business would die. Although that was their big plan, so who knows...
Pretty complicated....
And I will seek legal advice before I make any major changes.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
D texted WH in the morning to tell him that she has bronchitis (he wasn't in touch with her all week). WH then called me asking for details and being upset that I didn't call him. I said that I wasn't sure if he was interested in D, since he doesn't see her or call her himself. The line went dead. I called him back questioning if he hung up on me or if the call dropped. He said that he hung up, that he needed to calm down that I can't tell him that he is not interested in his D. And again blamed me for not calling him about he being sick.
I said that I didn't call because I wasn't sure how much he wants to know about her life since he is not expressing much interest in her...then he started arguing that he does and I have no right to tell him that he doesn't. (Since he moved out in January he had dinner with her twice, calls or texts with her maybe once every 2 weeks).
I said "I don't want to argue, I'll let you know next time when she is dying"...he hung up again. I didn't call him back. I guess I could have handle this better, but I was pissed off at his putting the blame on me for not calling him. I lost control...not good DB'ing
Right after that D told me that dad called her and asked if she wants anything, she asked him to bring her some McDonald's. So 10min later he just shows up (I told him before to call me not just show up). All pissed off; he said "I'm here to see D". And waltzes right past me into her room and shuts the door. He stayed for about 15 minutes.
When he came out I asked him "Is this how it's going to be? You hanging up on me?" He said that he can't talk to me when I accuse him that he doesn't care about D. I calmly told him that I'm just sad that he sees her so little that he was always such a good dad, why doesn't he see her more? He barked, well from now on I will come and see her HERE anytime I want to. I told him well you have to call first and see if it's OK with me. "No I don't" he said. "If you'd let me come here anytime I wanted to I would've seen D more often...Wow...he just put the blame for not seeing his daughter on me. It's now my fault that he doesn't see her because he can't come here anytime he pleases...Wow
I told him that he has his own apartment, why doesn't he invite her there? He was getting angrier and angrier. Said "I just want to be able to drop by and see her HERE without planning". I told him it's OK to come as long as it's convenient for me and he gives me at least 1/2 hr notice.
At that point I just couldn't believe this was my H standing there talking to me the way he was, with this coldness and anger. How did I deserve that, why does he hate me so much? I know I'm not supposed to take it personally...
I said "you have changed so much, I can't believe the way you talk to me, why so much anger, what did I do to you? We never talked to each other this way before your affair started.
His reply "I haven't changed, I'm the same, you see...we can't even talk to each other, that's why I left".
I have enough of this craziness. Sometimes I wonder, am I the crazy one or is he?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I've noticed Jack... I feel stupid getting myself sucked into that one. I lost big way.....
As much as it pains me, I have to let him handle his R with daughter. When I ask him to see her more, I'm putting him into defensive and he sees me as controlling.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I'm letting go SCH, I'm calmer now...just analyzing what the heck happened.
I think that he realizes how little he sees D and feels guilty about it, that's why when I bring it up he gets defensive and goes on attack.
I just couldn't believe when he demanded to come to the house anytime he wants to. I'd set the boundary of him not coming any time he please right a the beginning, he never liked it. I think also because OW can come to her H's house anytime she pleases and I bet she is telling him not to let me get away with it. Because he was quite demanding about it today and I think OW is in town. Almost sounds like she was coaching him between our phone call and by the time he came over.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
What a combo, ow coaching your H, the two of them together are nuttier than squirrel sh*t. J3B was right, no way you were going to win that one.
My thoughts were like those of yours, your H was feeling guilty because he knows how little attention he's giving your D. She knows it too. She is at an age where if she wants her dad to know something she can tell him herself. Not your job anymore.
He has no one to blame but himself for the consequences.
.
I have enough of this craziness. Sometimes I wonder, am I the crazy one or is he?