That is awesome about the ottoman CG . You don't need crutches when the broken leg heals. At the same time, I know that it's daily self care that keeps you healthy.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Just got a little smile from H. Was playing charades with the kids when he came home from work to tuck the kids in. The babysteps are nice, but I struggle to see them as progress.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Does anyone have advice to offer Mystik? Her H is living with OW and wants to move back in with her and her S in a few months, but seems to be using various excuses about rentals/leases, etc.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Getting a smile was one of your goals, wasn't it? An end to the outright anger, stress, indifference, and contempt? That is progress and one of the steps you need to get anywhere. You don't have to read more (or less) into it than that today. Keep doing what's working and all that. I know how hard it is to get excited over an H acting simply cordial. But remember where you came from: contempt!
Yes, it was a goal rr. It's not the first time that he's smiled, but it's still an event when it happens. He generally doesn't seem as angry now. Maybe he's getting laid. Good point about how to look at these babysteps.
Tomorrow it will have been 3 months of separation...a quarter of a year. It's baffling to me how we could go from being in a troubled M, to breaking up our family and living separate lives with so little conversation. We had a few short, anguished conversations between the bomb and the separation, and then super brief one about a week after he moved out...then nada.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I am with on the being baffled part! Such little conversation!!! It is awful! WE came in our marragies together, had babies together, made important decisions together and all of the sudden we are separated! Hang in there..
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
LauraOh, an experienced DBer, posted this in H4L's thread.
Originally Posted By: LauraOh
Anger, although annoying, and needs to have boundaries, is energy and lots of it. When they are "done", they don't put energy towards you any longer. Pushing your buttons will be the last thing on his mind.
When they get quiet, even "friendly", THAT is the time to worry.
It's been three months of separation, and that's where we're at: quiet, even "friendly".
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Anger has to run its course eventually. And if things are to improve to even the friendship stage you have to get back to "friendly" at some point. Just an observation as I haven't read what LauraOh said in its entirety and context.
I just had a quick read of what LauraO said on H4L's thread. Good stuff. I still wouldn't be overly perturbed by his being "friendly". All cases will not evolve in the same manner although there may be many similarities.
Have a great day, Flo. I am off to get some exercise and do some shopping.
. You don't need crutches when the broken leg heals. At the same time, I know that it's daily self care that keeps you healthy.
It's been three months of separation, and that's where we're at: quiet, even "friendly".