how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

well, from what my H has told me, he and his IC are making some "deep digs" into the root of his behavior, and i don't even know how much they talk about our M...i think their focus is on my H's behavior patterns and how he got to be that way. for me, i'm not interested in how i got to be this way. i already know. i'm interested in solutions and actions and moving forward. but for some people i know that in order to move forward, they have to dig into and uncover some things about their past.

i don't think my H would ever say he felt "alone" when we were out together. i am not shy, but i'm not an extrovert like my H is. i stick to talking to people that i know, and i'm not one to walk up to a stranger and strike up a conversation. my H is. i've never been bothered by his ability to work the room while i sit with a friend and chat. what bothers me is when i feel like he's so busy working the room that he forgets that i'm even there. and in any case, his extroverted nature is not a dealbreaker for me. it's one of the things that attracted me to him. his presence fills a room.

i think his IC, though, may have him thinking that he's so f'd up in the head that there's no way he can work on himself and on our M at the same time. i have no way of knowing that for sure, but...we met up a few times in february when he started seeing her and after one particularly hopeful dinner on valentine's day, he came back a few days later and said his IC told him we shouldn't be rushing anything. not that we were, but...i just wish i could be a fly on the wall in their sessions.

if we both committed to making changes and growing up and learning from our mistakes TOGETHER, then i think if we were able to work things out, i could let the fear go and we could with time and piecing, be very happy again. i just don't know if my H will get to that point before he serves me with D papers.