How to approach W about OM

[MrBond]

I agree with Puppy.

Sounds to me like his W is going through the crazy phase that comes with the fog. My W was doing the same things. Slept alot, crazy mood swings, moral compass out the door. I believe she suffered from depression and I did everything like OIN did.

All it did was encourage her behavior. Depression is like alcoholism in that you don't know you have a problem until you admit you have a problem. "I am WAS and I have depression". His W says she is depressed, but isn't getting help for it. My W said the exact same thing and like his W, blamed her depression on the M when really it was herself.

OIN, you messed up on your part. That's understandable. We all did to a degree. I was like you and took a boatload of blame and shame. But there comes a time when rather than just taking all the blame, you start looking for solutions to heal. That's what you're doing now. Your W has to get to that point as well.

When I told my W enough was enough in terms of her blaming me for everything and that I had already apologized for in the past, she had two options: Either live with anger and resentment or heal and get a better life. When I stood up to her, she realized she had no one to blame for her ongoing "unhappiness" but herself.

My W still hasn't gone for help, but we get along 200% better than we did a year ago. I see bits of her old self coming back. It takes a looooong time. I've been in this for two years now. If you want to stay committed, good for you. You know that in your heart. Stand strong while she rages at you, but every now and then you use the truth to hold her accountable. The truth is what cuts through the depression. You state it matter of factly or in a way that lets her come up with her own conclusions.

I can sympathize with you because I'm in the same boat. And I tell you things do get better.