I did that a while ago. It's been so long I can't remember my three simple rules. I know she's treating better than before and we are doing somethings together.
I opened a piecing thread about a year ago. I read many posts but I don't think I'm at that stage. Doesn't my W have to say ILY before we get there?
She doesn't love me. I don't think she L's herself. Sometimes she will hug me a bit harder than before. I think she's checking if the "magic" feelings will come back. She's either afraid or lazy to work on our issues. She knows all I want is for her to L me again. She's honest enough with our R (if we have one)to tell me she doesn't know if her L for me will ever return. Her friends come before family, but she in denial about it. She knows I fight leaving her from day to day. I think she's afraid of this happening.
I'm here for D12 which is getting to be a challenge.
Is this a sitch for piecing???
Fixer
BTW: I think her trip alone turned out to be a party trip.
I am not Jack but IMHO I would wait here. The board you are on is just a board. I think you will get better advice here on this board. If you need to move to piecing I think YOU will know it is time. Don't go to early. I think a lot of people on that board make that mistake.
Thanks for the advice. I once went to the piecing thread when it was too early. There was a wealth of information and many people who knew how to work on an R. The one common element they all hand which my stich is missing was they both wanted to work on the M.
My W doesn't want to work on the R. She wants the benefits of a M, but doesn't want to invest her time in a R. Emotionally I don't think she's capable of working on a M.
I haven't read your whole sitch but from you have written it seems like she is still in withdrawl or coming out of it. She needs to bake in the oven some more.
I wasn't suggesting to move to piecing. I was suggesting trying some of the tactics.
Everything is stagnent right now and has been for awhile.
I would like to point out that the three rules you forgot, you did lay down, and things did improve. Those rules were boundaries for your well being right?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Yes I set down three rules and they were all about boundries. One was to call if she was going to stay out late. This was so I knew she was safe. Another rule was to call if too drunk to drive home or anywhere else. This rule was so I knew she didn't kill anyone if she drank too much. The final rule was to respect me in front of our D.
I also took away the credit cards, checking account and debit cards from her. This saved us from getting into any financial problems. Unfortunately, she got her own credit cards and drove her credit (not mine) into the toilet.
I've looked at piecing for ideas but until recently I wouldn't say I could use any of them. So I'll look again and hope I can find something.
Tonight, I pick my W up from the airport. This is a tiny step towards the positive. She's coming in so late, I know her GF could have picked her up. Instead she asked me and I will pick her up.
On a side note her trip turned out to be a visit more than thinking. So I don't expect to see much out of it. I was hoping she would have the time to think over her stich and come to the realization that she's better off being a W and mom; rather than being a party animal.
D12 and I went to the airport to pick up my W. We arrived early and waited at the baggage claim. D had a bouquet of flowers waiting to greet her mom. It was nice to see W come through the gates. She looked tired and D12 ran to her. Then W walked up and barely hugged me. I turned to kiss her and she gave me a half a kiss if that's possible.
On the ride home she sat quietly with her arms folded. I sang to the songs on the radio and tried to make light conversation. Eventually she spoke about her trip.
When we got home I brought the case of wine she bought in the house. It turned out to be a party trip after all. Since she was quiet I decided to go out for a few beers.
I sat alone at the bar wondering if I should stay in this loveless M. Nothing new for me I think about this often.
