Grit- it is so difficult to not just run...and put an end to this.
Even though my H is spewing BS..he is at least spewing it more kindly. He did talk about passion with me prior to us getting engaged..maybe another time when we were engaged..and then after he started his A..the issue that I have is that he never did anything to improve it...and I never pressured my H to marry me..I actually never spoke of M with him. I would initiate different things..he was very rigid..although he puts it back on me...which I pointed out to be untrue last night. I guess one of the things that I said to him rang true..because he was still talking about it this morning and making excuses for it. I am being cryptic but I guess some things cannot be discussed here.
I think that spark my H is referring to is the way I made him feel. Because I just got out of a long term R when I met my H..and I was casually dating several people..I didn't fall all over him. What also complicated matters a little bit was that his best friend liked me at the time...and it was his best friend that introduced us...so it was kind of an awkward sitch. My H is used to being praised and adored. I didn't do that at first. This is all speculation..and I really need to stop thinking back 10 years..
There are serious issues with my H personality, behavior, the blaming etc. I haven't forgotten all that..but I do know that I do need to take some responsibility for my 1/2 of the M..so I do need to listen to his BS and try to understand and validate where necessary. Nothing will ever justify his A...but I would like to understand why/how it happened. Perhaps the communication improvement will help with this??
