H4L, I'm surprised nobody has come on here and told you to PROTECT yourself from his vitriolic outbursts.
(I haven't read all ?83? pages, so if this has been said, sorry.
When he is cursing (2 HOURS??) LEAVE the house. Tell him calmly that you cannot hear him when he is speaking this way, you ARE interested in his POV, but you can't tolerate this kind of communication. You only have to leave for 15-30 minutes. It has been working on my H, who has a similar, nasty temperment at times.
And here--this will save you some $$ (I had to learn it while paying $125 in counseling)--don't have conversations after 9 at night. I am barely conscious at that hour and my son is now 14!
Your husband knows your buttons--he is pushing them all to JUSTIFY why he is doing what he is doing. You must protect yourself. I know it's hard--I now leave a pair of shoes by the door with the dog's leash. More times I'm out the door than not. But I WILL NOT let him (or the next one--whichever) speak to me this way. It's tough--they will SUCK YOU IN. The girlfried thing may not be true but he got you sucked in anyway. I expect ALL sorts of stuff to come out of my H's mouth now--he uses all kinds of nonsense to get me to stay and listen to what a crappy person I am. They are SOOOO good at this--you have to be smart!!
Good luck, Laura
Also, another piece of advise that has done me a world of good--you do not have to "answer" to anything immediately. Have a few things to say like "that is interesting--I'll get back to you on it, etc. Custody issues? At that hour?? You don't have to give any quick answers--take your time, think about things, and then get back to him!
