I think our marriage is on the mend.

[june72]

So here's the kicker.

Maybe I should not have done this. But I felt bad about things. Esp. since my son asked "where's daddy?"

I called my hubby up.
M: "I'm not sure why I'm calling... Are you ok?"
H: "Yeah"
M: "Will I see you tomorrow?"
H: "Yeah, I'd like to see my son" then he stated something about wanting to see son more today.
M: "I asked you to stay, I begged you to stay" "I apologized"
H: "Begged?"
M: "I asked you several times to stay"
silence
M: "Well, I'd better let you go"
H: "OK"

So for the next two days, hubby brings it up in casual converstaton that he missed an opportunity to see his son. At first I did not comment but then with continued jabbs ie"I'll stay as long as wife allows me" to my mom, etc. I say you know- I asked you not to leave. Your twisting this. He really didn't acknowledge what he was doing.

Oh, and always a good meaure of "I don't love you" is always thrown in every once is awhile.


So I totally think I fell off the DB wagon big time. Over such petty things. Counseling has been put on hold since we're getting life back up to speed since son's hospitalization.

Finding myself not liking hubby at all. Not seeing why I want to be with him but I know that in the future the situation can be different. Right now I feel like the WAW who is not going to leave. Ever. I hate this situation. I'm not so perfect though either. I have contributed big time to the mess here. Lack of sleep this year on both our ends has definitely not helped.

We are very seperated. We are not ML or hugging or kissing, anything. I always initaited anyhow. Sometimes I slip and still touch hubby in some way but he usually moves away or states no you stated "no more affection with someone who does not love you". I am a person who is very big on sex and affection so this is frustrating. Even though I initiated the no sex, etc- it was only out of a place of frustration of being told that sex was nothing more than getting off and nothing to do about caring for me. I mean what choice do I have. We've been on this Merry Go Round for a year now.