And yet, had I stayed, had I not made such a strong statement, I wonder if we would be as far along as we are now in our M. We really grew as individuals and as a couple through all of that.
I completely appreciated this aspect of my W leaving. I have to admit, nothing else she could have done would have had the same effect. I am a better person in every way now. In my case my W did have an A as well, and the damage that did may very well be irrepairable. Our R is essentially destroyed.
As I reflect back on things, I feel an unhappy spouse should use the power of leaving far earlier in the process, before they are absolutely 100% "done", and certainly before another person enters the picture. But it can't be a "trial" separation, as even that term will dilute the power. In the mind of the WAS, it should be "I'm leaving, and I'm staying gone if I don't see BIG changes", but that should be their secret. Then they should set a time period in their mind, like three or six or twelve months, and wait and see.
Marriage counselors should be encouraging this tactic, as it has far more power than any "talk".
