Thanks CG...I guess it is a good thing H is going to MC. I guess this latest experience is going to force me to look at myself and my issues here too. There were many things in our M, or my H, that I didn't love. I rarely to never vocalized any of these things. Maybe I put his needs before mine..or perhaps I was mainly happy in life so I didn't put much weight on these issues..meaning- they didn't bother me that much. I also had the thought process "love me for who I am"...so i tried to do the same to him..and not try to change him. Besides the fact that I was always much more easy going than my H. This is not to say that insult spewing never occurred..but it was infrequent on my end and usually tied to PMS.
If D is a result of choosing wrong...why do so many of us get it wrong then? and then get it wrong a 2nd time? Do we really marry for the wrong reasons? or do we just have unrealistic expectations from M and from life in general? Maybe my expectations are too low..and that is why I was mostly satisfied in my M and still trying to save it after all the hurt.
CG- my H's A was about 2 years as well. The OW has no sense of reality..never M..two kids..two different fathers..two extramarital affairs in one office. My H has been listening to her delusional outlook on life. My H said that the OW left her baby daddy #2 because she didn't love him- he only provided her with stability. They foreclosed on the house they just bought and now she lives with her 2 kids in an apartment in a chitty town. Baby daddy #2 has 4 kids with 3 different mothers..she stayed with him and mothered his 4th child because she was looking for stability? Just out of touch with reality.
Is there always someone in a R/M that is less invested? Does a R/M exist where the power/control/interest is equally distributed?
The positive signs that I can see despite my H negativity...he still shows signs of jealousy..asking who I went out to dinner with over the weekend..where I was today etc. I feel like he flounders back and forth..tells me that I need to make him my priority in the future..and then talks like there is no future. Perhaps when the OW is completely out of the picture..he will be able to reevaluate things a little bit better. All this contemplation makes me feel like I am missing something...and perhaps what we had wasn't enough..but then the rational side of me knows that the grass isn't always greener and that a new R/M does not mean a dissolvement of issues. It is just a clean slate to start accumulating them again.
