So I'm reading an interesting book: Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. Or should I say desperately skimming ? A good resource for working on PMA. It talks about how our brains actually have a bias towards accumulating negative memories and baggage. An important strategy is therefore to "let in the good". There's a chapter on that with several ideas of how to do it. Brain research has a new focus on our ability to rewire our thought patterns and change our mental ruts, and there is a lot more information on how to do that.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
That sounds interesting. Cognitive behavioral meets buddha? Thanks for the review. Will check it out. Heard something on NPR recently about anger and decision making and then read the paper that went along with it:
Very interesting rr. It paints the picture of my WAH very well IMO.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
FM, I am sorry, I have to read up on things on your thread. Where does it stand with the homeschooling. Is you husband in support of that still? I hope.
If you have time...I have some questions pertaining to your son that I wanted to ask on the alt. If you can't get to it, that is fine to, I know you are certainly busy.
I just didn't want to post on your thread here...
Best!
Sending positive vibes your way.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
It's really hard to read about what people are going through in the forum lately. Like all holidays I guess Easter is a trigger for crises. My heart aches for those who are struggling to find the will to live, for those who are in shock from the latest bomb, and for those who are burning out trying to be there for others.
CG, I've been reading your words a lot lately and thinking about the importance of acceptance. It's really hard for me to see how vulnerable we LBSs are. Some of us may literally not survive if we don't detach.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
My gosh, LBS are SO vulnerable! I am still vulnerable. Y'day was an amazing weather day and I was walking my dog and for the first time in a LONG time I wondered what my H was doing. And I felt sad.
A year ago I would have allowed that sadness to consume me and most probably lead to a huge anxiety/panic attack. Not last night though. I went and hung out with my neighbor and we laughed and laughed. He just got a new juicer and we were making juice out of EVERYTHING!
Accepting *this* is the hardest thing I have ever done. I include having to make the decision to take my father off life support in that list. At least with my dad I knew how very, very sick he was and in reality the machines were keeping him alive. While it hurt, it was the most humane thing to do. Being left, an affair and a divorce is not humane IMO (under most circumstances).
Detaching is a VERY long VERY slow process. Or at least it was for me. The legal part certainly helped because obviously that was not good but the emotional side of things crawled at a snails pace.
I sometimes wonder if I should stay on this forum because honestly, sometimes it does get painful to keep reading about this stuff. But I then remember how many people helped me. I know how eternally appreciative I am for their support, guidance, tough love and encouragement.
I do get sad, angry, frustrated and a whole slew of other emotions from time to time and you will too. It's normal and healthy not to bottle all those emotions.
I used to get FURIOUS when people would tell me "detach, detach, detach" but really, it's all you can do.
I am a hard ass on the outside but inside I am filled with soft gooey filling
? A good resource for working on PMA. It talks about how our brains actually have a bias towards accumulating negative memories and baggage. An important strategy is therefore to "let in the good". There's a chapter on that with several ideas of how to do it. Brain research has a new focus on our ability to rewire our thought patterns and change our mental ruts, and there is a lot more information on how to do that.