Steady I'm glad to see that you're still human, and make mistakes. I agree with your previous post about wanting a miracle rather than needing one. that's a good place to be, but it doesn't make wanting it any easier does it?
lol..of course I make mistakes. Plenty of them too. It actually does make the wanting easier. It actually makes it go away.
The thing that makes the wanting hard is if there is a 'needing' attached to it. Imagine you want a new car, but you don't need one. When you think about that car it isn't hard at all to want it but knowing you don't have it. It has no impact on you at all - because you want it, you don't need it, so if you get it or not doesn't really make much of a difference.
That's the difference between owning your wants and not needing it to work out any particular way, and wanting with the flavor of needing.
Originally Posted By: tbart01
i used to think i needed my M to be fixed, but I know I don't. However, i desperately want it to be fixed. Someone other than me would have to make some serious changes for that to happen.
I'll call you out on this and say you aren't at that point yet. If you really felt that way you wouldn't write - 'desperately' in the next sentence.
Desperate implies needing, a desperate person is like a person dying of dehydration desperately needing some water. The desperation is the neediness you need to get rid of. That's a component of detaching.
Think about this question:
If you could see the future, and it shows you:
1. You and your W going through this whole process that you are in, and getting back together after you both have grown and improved. You then have a relationship beyond your wildest dreams.
2. You and your W go through this whole process and end up not getting back together. You've changed but your W hasn't. Over some time you meet a woman who turns out to be a much better match for you because you have improved and therefore attracted a more healthy woman. It ends up being a relationship beyond your wildest dreams.
Knowing either one of these as your future, how would you be acting right now? Would you be desperate? Would you be detached knowing that you are destined to be happier than you ever were?
Think about that. Think some more. Imagine it. Close your eyes and see them both. Make it as real as you can in your mind - see, taste, touch, smell. Take your time.
Then come back and answer it.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
