Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

(((H4L))) It sounds like you're really hurting.

Please stop beating yourself up. This is not your fault and your reactions are human ones. You did not create this situation...your H did. You're doing the best that you can and beating yourself up about not reacting perfectly helps no one. It's been an emotional roller coaster lately and you're emotionally burned out. Self care means disenganging, getting support and being kind to yourself.

H4L, please listen to OP, Kalni and rr...they are giving you really good advice about how to deal with the sitch.