Husband in Crisis - what do I do?

[ericmsant2]

DU

You know how I feel about you so I apologize in advance if anything that I write here offends you. That is not my intent.

I really WANT my M

Everyone on these boards knows this and we are trying to give you the tools that you need to make the reconciliation of your M a POSSIBILITY. That's right a possibility. At the end of the day no one can control another person. Even if we could, is that what you would really want? Do you want your H back because he feels sorry for you or because he is lonely and you are the best option right now? OR do you want him back because he has fallen in LOVE with the new YOU? I think the later. If you want your M back you must first HEAL and CHANGE You! Why You? Well…cause no one can make your H change but maybe just maybe YOUR ACTION will make him consider changing.

everything about this is HOPELESS

Hopeless? I wonder if you ask someone like Jack or Lost or Hearts Blessing if it is hopeless - would they agree. I suspect NOT. Why? Not because their M were saved but because they know that there is ALWAYS HOPE. I bet Cat would agree with this as well. You know how F**ked up my sitch is, yet I still have Hope because my hope is not based on anything I see, hear, or feel. Remember you can feel one way today and another way tomorrow so why should you based any decisions on your feelings. Can you answer me this….doesn’t it make sense to heal yourself, deal with the anger that you probably feel BEFORE you determine if there is HOPE. Would you agree?

Better yet...why not change how you look at hope or who you are hoping for...maybe you should have HOPE that YOU can change an d by changing can bring your H back.

I have so much regret and remorse.

We all do….but how are you going to deal with yours. How about this I challenge you to stand up and face and feel this remorse and regret. Give it God, let it go, scream about hell beat yourself up about for a day or two and then LET IT GO. Why you ask….well before I answer let me ask YOU a question – WHAT GOOD comes out caring this regret around with you? Can you answer?

Here is my answer – NONE absolutely NONE. Carrying it around allows us to use it as a crutch…”I can’t do this because I made the following mistakes that I regret”, “I can’t feel this because I regret X” – I say F that and let it go. How about both YOU and I stop carrying around this freaking regret and just move forward with our own GROWTH and healing. Deal?

He is NEVER going to CHANGE his mind

If you don't put this damn crystal ball away soon I'm gonna fly down there and rip it out of your hands (sorry I have vent):/ Seriously, have you ever heard of self fulfilling prophesies? If you have, then you should be able to see that this statement of “he is never XXX” is a self fulfilling prophesy that you keep creating them. Stop it!

Do you know what your H is thinking right now?
Do you know what OP is doing right now?
Do you know how Cat is going to feel tomorrow?
Hell do you know what I am going to make for dinner tomorrow?

I bet you don’t so why not stop thinking that you do.

Better yet, why not stop thinking about what your H is doing and thinking and start thing about how you are going to train the puppy that you were suppose to pick up or start thinking about when you are going to plan you next dinner with girls night out.

There is nothing my lawyer can do to give both of us more time to think and to cool off.

How about you ask your L what if you were on vacation could it be delayed. I’m sure Cat would like company down in her neck of the woods 

DU – you are still trying to control your H. You still think that something that you do will make him “come out of it”…we’ll I am here to tell you that maybe you CAN do something..(bet you thought I was gonna say you can make him do X – fooled ya ) – what is it?

Heal, forgive, forget, let go, become strong, let go of the regret, let go of the past, let go of all of the hurt, give him is space, give yourself TIME. You see you can do something that does not INVOLVE HIM. I know…I know…he is going away and will not see you. Maybe that is a good thing…maybe you will not have to deal with his anger or nasty text for a while…maybe just maybe….you can heal and position yourself so that YOU can decide what, when and If this M will work. Why do you keep giving him so much control over you? Why? Have you taken the time to look at yourself and search yourself? Have you give God the time he needs to work in YOU and in your H?

Psalm 24

24: 1 - The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it (that means the courts, the military, EVERYTHING).
The world and ALL who live in it (that means you and your H)

24:3 – Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? (my interpretation of this is really who get’s to be really close with God – who’s he hanging out with…and the answer is…)

24:4 – He who has clean hands and a pure hear AND who does not lift up his soul to an IDOL
Have you ever thought that maybe you are idolizing your H too much…you are giving him too much control over you…What about YOU DU – don’t you deserve better right now- I think so and I also think that maybe your H with time will give you this. But he cannot until you let go….

my husband only has to wait 6 months before filing to D me

6 months is a long time! Think you’ve done pretty good in 3, think of what you can do in another 6 now that you have many more tools at your disposal.

Time is NOT on my side and I have no faith that God wants my M to survive and be reconciled.

Time is ON YOUR side – stop thinking so negative. No faith in God….well let me see….

• You prayed to God that you wanted to see your H before he left – He answered and you say him. As a matter of fact he gave you a hug and held your hand. He also said he was concerned about you.
• You prayed to God that you wanted to stay in the house – He answered and your H has said that he wants you to stay in the house.
• You have prayed for peace on some days – And I KNOW that some days you are doing VERY well. So another prayer answered.
• You prayed for a delay in the LS – and I believed your L said that he could delay for a while so once again another prayer answred.

Looks to me like GOD has been answering prayers….maybe not all of them or on your TIME but maybe you could have a little faith and believe Him for a while.

James 1:6 – But when YOU ask, you must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

DU…can you believe for a while…believe in YOU…believe that You will survive and will be OKAY no matter what happens…believe that your H will come out of this….believe that one day you guys will call Cat, OP, and a few other over for dinner…just believe.

Now do me a favor….put on your big girl panties, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back to YOUR plan. Do not give up on YOU! Let go of the damn leash.

Sorry if I was too hard on you but I know you are better than these last few post.

You can detach and still love your H…I know you feel like I did…”I have to hate X to detach” I can tell you that true love will always last…and I know that you truly love your H so you can detach and still love him. If you really love him….them let him go and give him and you the time you both need. Let him go on your schedule plan (in other words, delay any LS or D if that is what YOU want to do).

God Bless,
Eric