I really WANT my M, but everything about this is HOPELESS.
We all want things Destiny. I don’t think too many people who come here don’t WANT their M.
There comes a point when you have to realize that wanting something doesn’t make it happen.
Only actions can make anything happen.
Right now, there are things that you have to do, realities that you have to accept, and as you do, they will make you sad and they will make you angry…
How you choose to deal with that changes everything…
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So I am UPSET because everything is benefitting him even though HE LEFT me and I did NOT agree and wanted to work on the marriage.
Yup.
You are not the first person to have this exact situation happen. Why do you think we are all here?
Are you going to let it ruin you?
Or are you going to do something different?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
DU, please phone this emotional crisis hotline: 1-800-273-8255
There are people who want to talk you through this crisis. We know how much you're hurting. The pain feels unbearable. But you don't have to figure out how you're going to go on living with this pain. All you have to figure out is how to get through today. Have something to eat and drink then call the hotline. You have found solace and comfort in emotional support before...you can do it again. We care about you DU. sending you hugs.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
You know how I feel about you so I apologize in advance if anything that I write here offends you. That is not my intent.
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I really WANT my M
Everyone on these boards knows this and we are trying to give you the tools that you need to make the reconciliation of your M a POSSIBILITY. That's right a possibility. At the end of the day no one can control another person. Even if we could, is that what you would really want? Do you want your H back because he feels sorry for you or because he is lonely and you are the best option right now? OR do you want him back because he has fallen in LOVE with the new YOU? I think the later. If you want your M back you must first HEAL and CHANGE You! Why You? Well…cause no one can make your H change but maybe just maybe YOUR ACTION will make him consider changing.
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everything about this is HOPELESS
Hopeless? I wonder if you ask someone like Jack or Lost or Hearts Blessing if it is hopeless - would they agree. I suspect NOT. Why? Not because their M were saved but because they know that there is ALWAYS HOPE. I bet Cat would agree with this as well. You know how F**ked up my sitch is, yet I still have Hope because my hope is not based on anything I see, hear, or feel. Remember you can feel one way today and another way tomorrow so why should you based any decisions on your feelings. Can you answer me this….doesn’t it make sense to heal yourself, deal with the anger that you probably feel BEFORE you determine if there is HOPE. Would you agree?
Better yet...why not change how you look at hope or who you are hoping for...maybe you should have HOPE that YOU can change an d by changing can bring your H back.
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I have so much regret and remorse.
We all do….but how are you going to deal with yours. How about this I challenge you to stand up and face and feel this remorse and regret. Give it God, let it go, scream about hell beat yourself up about for a day or two and then LET IT GO. Why you ask….well before I answer let me ask YOU a question – WHAT GOOD comes out caring this regret around with you? Can you answer?
Here is my answer – NONE absolutely NONE. Carrying it around allows us to use it as a crutch…”I can’t do this because I made the following mistakes that I regret”, “I can’t feel this because I regret X” – I say F that and let it go. How about both YOU and I stop carrying around this freaking regret and just move forward with our own GROWTH and healing. Deal?
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He is NEVER going to CHANGE his mind
If you don't put this damn crystal ball away soon I'm gonna fly down there and rip it out of your hands (sorry I have vent):/ Seriously, have you ever heard of self fulfilling prophesies? If you have, then you should be able to see that this statement of “he is never XXX” is a self fulfilling prophesy that you keep creating them. Stop it!
Do you know what your H is thinking right now? Do you know what OP is doing right now? Do you know how Cat is going to feel tomorrow? Hell do you know what I am going to make for dinner tomorrow?
I bet you don’t so why not stop thinking that you do.
Better yet, why not stop thinking about what your H is doing and thinking and start thing about how you are going to train the puppy that you were suppose to pick up or start thinking about when you are going to plan you next dinner with girls night out.
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There is nothing my lawyer can do to give both of us more time to think and to cool off.
How about you ask your L what if you were on vacation could it be delayed. I’m sure Cat would like company down in her neck of the woods 
DU – you are still trying to control your H. You still think that something that you do will make him “come out of it”…we’ll I am here to tell you that maybe you CAN do something..(bet you thought I was gonna say you can make him do X – fooled ya ) – what is it?
Heal, forgive, forget, let go, become strong, let go of the regret, let go of the past, let go of all of the hurt, give him is space, give yourself TIME. You see you can do something that does not INVOLVE HIM. I know…I know…he is going away and will not see you. Maybe that is a good thing…maybe you will not have to deal with his anger or nasty text for a while…maybe just maybe….you can heal and position yourself so that YOU can decide what, when and If this M will work. Why do you keep giving him so much control over you? Why? Have you taken the time to look at yourself and search yourself? Have you give God the time he needs to work in YOU and in your H?
Psalm 24
24: 1 - The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it (that means the courts, the military, EVERYTHING). The world and ALL who live in it (that means you and your H)
24:3 – Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? (my interpretation of this is really who get’s to be really close with God – who’s he hanging out with…and the answer is…)
24:4 – He who has clean hands and a pure hear AND who does not lift up his soul to an IDOL Have you ever thought that maybe you are idolizing your H too much…you are giving him too much control over you…What about YOU DU – don’t you deserve better right now- I think so and I also think that maybe your H with time will give you this. But he cannot until you let go….
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my husband only has to wait 6 months before filing to D me
6 months is a long time! Think you’ve done pretty good in 3, think of what you can do in another 6 now that you have many more tools at your disposal.
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Time is NOT on my side and I have no faith that God wants my M to survive and be reconciled.
Time is ON YOUR side – stop thinking so negative. No faith in God….well let me see….
• You prayed to God that you wanted to see your H before he left – He answered and you say him. As a matter of fact he gave you a hug and held your hand. He also said he was concerned about you. • You prayed to God that you wanted to stay in the house – He answered and your H has said that he wants you to stay in the house. • You have prayed for peace on some days – And I KNOW that some days you are doing VERY well. So another prayer answered. • You prayed for a delay in the LS – and I believed your L said that he could delay for a while so once again another prayer answred.
Looks to me like GOD has been answering prayers….maybe not all of them or on your TIME but maybe you could have a little faith and believe Him for a while.
James 1:6 – But when YOU ask, you must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
DU…can you believe for a while…believe in YOU…believe that You will survive and will be OKAY no matter what happens…believe that your H will come out of this….believe that one day you guys will call Cat, OP, and a few other over for dinner…just believe.
Now do me a favor….put on your big girl panties, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back to YOUR plan. Do not give up on YOU! Let go of the damn leash.
Sorry if I was too hard on you but I know you are better than these last few post.
You can detach and still love your H…I know you feel like I did…”I have to hate X to detach” I can tell you that true love will always last…and I know that you truly love your H so you can detach and still love him. If you really love him….them let him go and give him and you the time you both need. Let him go on your schedule plan (in other words, delay any LS or D if that is what YOU want to do).
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Please don't give up on YOU... you are a wonderful, sensitive, lovable person. Lots of people love you and care for you and would be devastated if they lost you. There is much happiness in store for you in the future, you must believe that.
Whatever your WH is doing or saying right now - it's not about YOU it's about him...he is the one with a problem. You need to be the strong one...love him from a distance and let him go for now. In MLC that's what they need to do...they need to leave first, if they are to come back.
If you really love him...let him go. That's the most loving thing you can do for him right now.
Focus on the things you can control: your attitude, your behavior, your words, and your energy. If you want something to change in any stage of a relationship, make it your own traits or actions – not your partner's.
Remember, you've been in a "dark place" before and then you felt much better again. Things are never as bad as they seem...tomorrow will be a better day again. That's just part of the rollercoaster of emotions we are all on.
Believe in YOU, believe in Love...I KNOW that you are much stronger then you feel at the moment. If you can't cope right now by yourself...please reach out for help.
Destiny I believe in YOU !!!!!!
((((hugs)))))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
it seems that there are many that love you and believe in you.
do not let that be in vain. You know in your heart the truth. If you have to dig deep to find it.
do not give up on yourself. you must believe in your worth, for you are a beautiful creation. do not allow the enemy to deceive you and rob you of that worth.
you are not alone in this struggle. we have all struggled and we understand your pain, and we know it is hell on earth. but you can overcome it. believe in yourself and the strength that God can provide.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I have never written to you but I am very moved by what I read here and all the support you have received.
Remember that God loves YOU. You are special and very valuable in His eyes because you are His child. He hears your prayers. Do you hear what He says to you? He says that you are worth everything to Him. He says that you are beautiful and that he has a plan for you. He has never said that we are hopeless or that life is hopeless. God is a God of change and hope. Not despair and hopelessness. Listen to what He says.
Look to God and not to your circumstances. If you look at your circustances you will feel hopeless. If you look to God you will seek a way maker and a miracle performer. At this time last year I did not know how I could ever be happy, joyful, eat a full meal or get a full night's sleep. Now I have more joy and peace than I have ever known. Evenin the midst of challenges. God's time is not our time but He delivers everything He says He will.
This is the time to trust God. Let go and give Him control. Thank Him and trust Him even though YOU do not see a way yet. Get joyful because you trust and depend on HIM, regardless of what your H is doing. Our strength comes from God, not our M.
I know it sucks and hurts. It is a sucky, hurtful situation to be in:) But God is the healer and will heal us once we let him. He doesn't want us to walk around full or guilt over how we went wrong in our M and life. I think that He wants us to realize it, seek His forgiveness and DO BETTER. Not get caught up in rehashing how we did badly.
Destiny, life is beautiful. God is available 24 hours a day if you ever feel that you have called on one too many humans. Many nights I talked and listened to Him for hours.
Wishing you peace and joy and I hope that we hear from you soon.
DU is DUing well today. It's a good day for her and it looks like a good weekend coming up too. She's handling it.
DU, keep busy. The cycles will come and go. It's normal. Just keep holding on and you'll get through this. Everyone here knows what you're going through. We've all been through it and come out.
You ARE doing well.
EDIT: Hey everyone, keep posting here. Destiny is reading your posts. Sometimes she is overwhelmed and doesn't feel worthy of our support. Let's show her different.
