thanks MC. Before getting off the phone with him last night..I validated what he said by telling him he was right- we lacked passion..our R started off differently..and agreed we had issues in our M..I got a text this morning telling me to calm down and not pack his stuff up yet..I didn't respond but he called me afterwards.
This morning he tells me that we had everything else but that spark and that we never had it. I told him that if we didnt have that spark..we would have remained just friends and never have stayed together for 10 years. H said that he was concerned about that before getting M but thought that it wasn't a big deal..he could live without it...but has realized he was missing it.
You read so many articles about soul mates and chemistry etc. Do they really exist? My highly charged relationships always fizzled for me...my R with my H was different.. These passion conversations are starting to make me think that I am missing it too. We have had passionate times..but not that high school..can't keep my hands off of you feelings. I never really thought about it until now. I guess I always valued compatability over passion. Maybe I should rethink this??
My H does have an aversion to mundane life- for sure. The MC asked my H if he was depressed. My H said he didn't know..he has always felt this way so he doesn't know anything else. His relationship with the OW was lots of drama..breaking up..getting back together..breaking up..getting back together. Very highly charged..from what I have gathered. Also very immature. The MC asked a few questions about the OW- "is she educated" and "would you take her home to your mother". First answer was no..but inquisitive. Second answer was "not according to my mother". I bit my tongue..but I wanted to say- not according to anyone's mother.
What does it take to make a M successful..like you said MC- your relationship started off high passion and you think it should have gone the other way. Is it just that nobody is ever happy with what they have? or is it people want what they can't have? How many times do you hear a Spouse saying that they have a great H/W, he's a great father/mother, we have a great life..and yet they feel something is lacking. Is it really that they havent found their soulmate? I don't think my H is my soulmate..partially because I am not sure I believe in that..but I have accepted him and loved him for all that he is..and for all that he wasn't. He wasn't the hottest man I have ever dated..but he had many qualities that attracted me to him.
I know..I cannot really go dark right now although part of me wants to. I believe the A is over..but I am not sure in his mind he closed the door. I am mind reading..but I think he is thinking "I will give this all a shot..and if this doesn't work out..she is waiting there" (she has no better offers on the table). We are having dinner tomorrow night. I am going to have my own MLC after all of this.
