And I don't know how anything would change on my end... if I did reconcile, well, I'd have my "partner" back (at least for a while).
But I wouldn't be able to move on with my life, I'd still be mostly raising the kids on my own.
He'd still be living and working in another city.
I never wanted to be in this position, I wanted to be happily married for life. But since I am, I kind of feel like this might be my last chance to move on if I have to and find someone who really likes ME. If I ride this rollercoaster for another 2-3-5 years, I will be an emotional mess, older, financially insecure, and then what? But I so don't want to live on my own and date either. I want my old life back, or what I thought it was!
He did try for a while to help her immigrate, tried to get the company lawyers to help, and the company to give her a full-time position. It was sort of strange, but we were pretty secure in our relationship back then and I thought nothing of it. She was a pretty good secretary and he likes to help people.
When his MLC started (maybe 3 years ago) I did see her on his email once, just catching up. She initiated contact, looking for a reference or something.
But she was really nothing special, just some silly girl. I see she's on fb, but locked.
He would really have to pursue her for, that would be so strange. Leave his kids and family (including his parents and all) to go to France?!! I have never heard of any other France connection in all the time we've been together, could it really be that????
Or am I just making up scenario's and complicating an already complicated relationship un-necessarily?!!
SCH don't get all worked-up about this. You are trying to get into his head - that's a step backwards. Remember that the following still applies: "Don't believe anything they say and half of what they do" (did I get that right?)
Detach....observe be cautious...and let his actions (not his words) guide you.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
SC: I never wanted to be in this position, I wanted to be happily married for life. But since I am, I kind of feel like this might be my last chance to move on if I have to and find someone who really likes ME. If I ride this rollercoaster for another 2-3-5 years, I will be an emotional mess, older, financially insecure, and then what? But I so don't want to live on my own and date either. I want my old life back, or what I thought it was!
This is what you need to think about. If you really think he is only offering you a few years before he acts like this again, you might want to move on.
You will never have a guarantee that he won't do this again. Life has no guarantees.
Also, you would HAVE to date him (without kids knowing?) for you to find out if you even want to take the chance. Are you willing to try it for three months? Would that make you unable to get out of it in any way or set you back too much? Maybe you should not look at "trying" as "promising him 2 years." More like "trying for three months." You DO NOT HAVE TO TELL HIM this trying is on a trial basis. Believe me, YOU are on a trial basis with him, so you would not HAVE to point out or share your own point of view about this.
On France, yeah. He probably thinks this acquaintance will want to date him or set him up with a new life. Neither may happen once he gets there (if he ever does). Don't worry about it. Worry about the fact that he has stated an intention not to have much contact with his kids if you two break up. Think about whether you want to stay with a man who said that.
On France, yes, let's forget about her (if she even is a real person, lol!). She didn't exist when this mess started, and she's not a realistic factor at this time. It's just an option for H to run and hide (theoretically). I will give it no more thought. And if he really, at the end of the day, goes through this MLC to then skip out on his kids by running to another continent on the other side of the world, well then, so be it, not a nice man! But THANK YOU for listening
OK, have had NC with H since he last proposed us reconciling.
Is that OK?
I don't think anything has changed, has it?
We can "date", but we were dating a short while ago, and the issue was if he would get a job in our city or if we would go to live in his city (once the house was sold, schools changed, etc etc). But THEN, he said he didn't want us living in his city. And he had no job in our city.
So NOW, he is still not suggesting that we work towards living in his city. Nor does he have a job in our city (though he says he might be able to get one within 2 years, the same as his timeline to France!!).
Remember, there is no soulmate OW. The OW is the other city. He wants to live in other city, and have us too.
Nothing changed, did it? Did he just rephrase the same old story, or do you see anything different.
I know he wants to know if he should just move on now, or work towards things, but is there anything here for me to work towards, or same old story?
Nothing changed, did it? Did he just rephrase the same old story, or do you see anything different
Sorry SCH...at this stage I don't see enough change to put your hopes up tooo much...
Do you think that you are at the stage to maybe go to a MC so you can really talk about how you feel and what YOU NEED for the R to work? It seems to me that I only hear what HE wants or doesn't want. Is he interested in what YOU have to say? Is he willing to compromise and is he willing to acknowledge his mistakes and shortcomings?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
