I was going to let this thread die.....and asked that it be locked after my name change, but must not have done that right.
I'm doing ok. I got another(short) venomous e-mail from H this week about not hearing from my L. Knowing that she had made two attempts with e-mail, I did reply and tell him that she had e-mailed him twice and that all future matters of a legal nature need to go directly through her office. He, of course, replied asking if I would forward her e-mails to him. I did not reply.
My L called me and said he also e-mailed her again. I explained that he apparently was still not getting her e-mails and she suggested that she call him. I told her that would be fine.....he of course did not take her call and his mail box was full.....so she wrote him a letter. I got my copy in the mail yesterday.
I know the D is going to happen. I'm making my peace with that and am hoping to be as "hands-off" as possible. My L explained in her letter that I had not directed her to file or proceed with divorce, but if he had a settlement in mind he could forward it to her and she would present me with it. This REALLY sucks!
I have been doing my best to be NC. I received several text messages after I "didn't reply" to his e-mail about forwarding my L's e-mails. For the most part I've ignored them. It is clear now that he has a pattern of sending the spew and then following with a few attempts at contact in a "friendly" tone. How long have I fallen for that??? Thinking that he was having second thoughts???
I cannot be his friend now. I know that. That is not what I want----to be friends. This D is not what I want, and I will remain an unwilling participant.
I am focussing on me. I'm trying to continue to look within myself for what I want and what my future is going to look like. I don't have any answers now, but my head is clearing and I am accepting where I am at. I got some new books to read in an attempt to help me heal from this loss. I hope to have time to read.....
We had our first SB tournament for D13 last weekend. H was able to call me for directions (which I gave) and for the most part via phone/text acted quite friendly, but couldn't talk to me in person or make eye contact----with one exception. He was calling my D's pitches. It was obvious to me that the ump was NOT calling ONE low strike---so I went to the dugout to tell him. He didn't hear when I said his name so one of the girls said---"hey D*&^%, your wife wants you." He turned and looked at me with this really weird look. I told him about the pitches and said he hadn't noticed. I later got a TM saying: Wow. You aren't kidding. So......I'm guessing the "wife" word stirred up the spew, but who knows.
It is spring now in MO-----and with that brings a lot of things to do outside (5 acres to mow, etc). It will be a lot of work, but will also be a good diversion---and sunshine is always a good thing. I have been exercising VERY regularly and am finally seeing some progress on the scale----that I'm excited about.
Back to the original?? I really wish I knew what that was. I'm a KS girl, so maybe I should be dianaks....I still don't know "who" I am. My identity has been attached to my H for 30 of my 44 years. I wish I could say I'm excited about finding out----but I'm mostly scared.
This post really has more of a "down" tone than I am feeling.....I really am doing OK.....thanks for checking in.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I don't know WHO I am, but I do know the following:
I am a VERY strong woman I have very strong convictions and ideals I am still/would still be willing to do ANYTHING to save my M and family BUT, I know that is out of my hands I am VERY independent There aren't many things I CANNOT do for myself I would do ANYTHING for my kids I will survive I will be OK My kids will be OK.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
No this post sounds really good to me. I think you are making progress. Keep up the good work!
If you want to shut down this thread hit the notify button in the lower right and tell the moderator but put a link to your new thread with the NEW "Original"!!!!
I don't know WHO I am, but I do know the following:
I am a VERY strong woman I have very strong convictions and ideals I am still/would still be willing to do ANYTHING to save my M and family BUT, I know that is out of my hands I am VERY independent There aren't many things I CANNOT do for myself I would do ANYTHING for my kids I will survive I will be OK My kids will be OK.
Di,
I really like this list..
I do however have a question for you on the one part....
Are YOU.....too high of a price to pay for the Marriage ?
That is why it is so important to find you first. So that you know your wants, needs and desires. What you can and cannot live without for YOU...
Then, and only then, can you really access where you are and what you need.
And if you are willing to forego these things for the sake of a Relationship.....
What you might find is...
ANYTHING is a pretty strong word.....
ANYTHING means absolutely NO boundries...
ANYTHING means you giving up a part of you.....
And no,you don't sound down, you sound like a woman who is getting this and taking a step FORWARD today....
Hi di- To me, your new/old name reflects that you are in control. I'm glad you changed your name back...much more suiting especially since you have grown so much and you will continue to grow. You will soon figure out that you will be more than "OK" if you haven't already.
Thanks Up - I do feel like I am more in control. Today.
Mach.....you are right ANYTHING is a very strong word. In reflection, I know that is not the right word to use. I would do what it would take-----and that means saving me first. I have learned enough to know how important that is. If I had the opportunity to do "what"or "whatever" it would take, I know the only result would be failure if I didn't appreciate what I have learned over the past 2+ years----and that is the importance of ME. Continuing to work on me would have to be the biggest "whatever" it would take.
There would have to be boundaries. There would have to be A LOT of things.......it's just that the feeling is there. I still "wish" that this was not the "end of my M."
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
