How do I act?

[Surviving03]

You are so right Mr Bond... so so very right. I do feel sometimes like I am giving up too soon because I decided to leave... but then I remember I didnt DECIDE to leave out of my own free will.. I decided that my H doesnt want to be with me and I need to stop putting myself thru more emotional train wrecks and go do me. I can say that I didnt DB very well...I let my emotions get the best of me more often than not and got me way off track. But I am in a unique situation where "separating" means moving to a different country, which highly complicates things... but I came to a point where I realize it is best for me, I will not be able to GAL and figure myself out unless I do leave here.

I started to think of reasons why I might be better off without H and things that I realize that I dont like about him, this is what I came up with so far:

first...He was never very helpful at all around the house, never ever washed a dish the whole time we were together, the MOST I ever got him to do was take the trash out.. so perhaps I will find a more helpful partner in the future?

Second... I love my in-laws, but their standard of living is terrible and I have actually felt at times that I wouldnt be able to bring my own children around them in certain situations out of concern for their life and well being (one example: family reunion 2008, someone had drugs, people got in fist fights, someone had a GUN... thats ONE example)

Third...i LOVE my step daughter, but maybe now i can experience having a child with someone for the first time for both of us, I always kind of felt like it wont be as exciting for H when we had kids, like been there done that

Fourth... he is so financially irresponsible, but yet wants to live lavishly and have expensive things when he cant afford them, maybe I can find a partner who shares similar view points as me in regard to money and saving and responsibility.

Fifth...i always felt like he wasn't very affectionate in public and i hated that... i felt like when we were around people (unless he was drunk) he just acted like we werent together sometimes, he never held my hand unless I made a big deal about it, hardly EVER kissed me in public... and it hurt my feelings alot of the time, things were different at home, but around people.. I used to feel like he wasnt proud to show me off as his wife sometimes.

Sixth... He WANTS to go take a contract job overseas after he gets out of the military next year, he always has said he just wants to get back to his daughter and be there for his children and wife and what not... but really his main priority is to get money, we come second... and third... and fourth... I would like a H who wants to be home and not leave us behind for a dollar.

Thats what I have so far... There are alot of things I do love about him, and I may just be reaching for things now to help me feel better... but this is what I thought last night, after he made it clear to me again that he does want me to leave and he does still think we need to divorce...