so MC was a step in the right direction..followed by a slight set back.
I liked the counselor..she eluded to the fact that my H and I never really communicated very well..OK..I get that..who doesn't have an issue with this? We get along on the surface but we have a problem expressing our deep emotions. Neither one of us were exposed to parents who displayed these traits. I can see this. She wants to help us with that. My H was very uncomfortable discussing the A...MC told him that he was acting out..asked H why he was acting out..H had no answer. MC said that OW was providing him with something..he said he didnt know what..I have a feeling he was holding back. The MC asked about his cheating history..he admitted to cheating on girlfriends before me but this was his first time. Says he never intended for this to happen.
We grabbed a bite to eat afterwards. It started off OK..then H said he wasn't optimistic about everything. Said that the piece he was missing from the M was the passion. We left the restaurant and continued this conversation in the parking lot which got kind of heated. I don't want to get too personal on here...but my H always had a madonna whore complex with me...especially in the beginning. He made some accusations..then I had to point out several things he did and said prior to us being married..which he completely forgot about and it proved him wrong..and in typical H style..he left...and then proceeded to call me defensive.
Why must they rewrite history???? it is almost like they have selective alzheimers.
Brief history-My H and I started off just dating casually..we both were seeing other people. I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship. After about a year..I started feeling differently about him..and stopped dating other people. Apparently he was feeling the same way. One day he told me he loved me and said that we needed to be exclusive..and wanted to see where this went. I never dated multiple people at the same time so the whole experience was very different than anything I ever did before. It was an easy transition into exclusivity because both of us had stopped seeing others before this point because we realized that we wanted to be together...now fast forward.
My H says that we never had that passion in the beginning and that is what he was missing. We grew to love eachother instead. I agree with this. Now I am second guessing everything. Was the way we started out the demise of our M? This wasn't an issue for 8 years (until the A)..now it is? is this a valid reason? does there really need to be a valid reason..it is the way he feels..I cannot change this.
He said that he wants to continue with MC..to figure out if what we have is worth saving. I just feel like he is pretty negative..which is kind of bringing me down and making me negative too. He said that perhaps we got together for the wrong reasons..we have the same interests..same values..same goals..great families...good friends..mutual friends..great jobs..love for travel..pretty much compatible in every way and although the love was there in the beginning...the spark wasn't big enough. Should I believe this? Is that what is important? We have had passion throughout our M...but we didnt start off that way. My H isnt a very intimate..cuddly and touchy- guy to begin with. I feel so deflated.
We talk after I get home. H apologized for his behavior. After wanting to come home..H says that it makes no sense in coming home and playing house if things aren't OK. Phew. Says he never stopped loving me..but we aren't connected. Agreed. How can we feel connected right now after all of this. H says he felt connected to me even during his A but doesnt now since our separation. Agreed. I just don't know what to do or think. The OW leaves his office in a week...will this cause the fog to lift? or is the damage too great? How do I act- I know we say go dark..but his complaint (as well as my own)..it that we aren't connected. I just don't see how this can end well.
