Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
I'm kinda upset at STBXW after her email so maybe my logic is flawed:

1. Utility bills - changing to my name is the plan but I want her to say it. Anything she wants to change because of her moving out she needs to come out and say it so she has a sense of what she's doing to both me and DD.


ok, I had to log back on after I saw this on my BB, buddy... how would it feel if you just changed it (can you do that w/out her?) and didn't tell her or told her later? You are letting yourself rely on her action/decision to take your own action, which must make you end up feeling worse and powerless, no? I see your point of wanting her to make the decision, of facing consequences from her action-- but that isn't part of GAL- it's letting her lead you around however she wants. The key here is that it's not her who wants to change it- it's you. So you change it, don't be at her mercy. Or you tell her- this isn't working for me, you need to change it. That way you are in charge. If there's something she wants to change (e.g., visitation, she WILL have to ask you, etc.) But this little one is for you --

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2. Visitation - I suppose her schedule could work too but I'm not here to agree outright to everything she says that suits her agenda. I want to question it before I agree. I'm almost certain she's doing it so the schedule matches the other family that lives there so they can plan out their weekends in advance.


No, you're not here to agree with her. Think instead about what is best for you and D- the schedule you have now? If you're not tied to it, is W trustworthy enough for you to suggest a trial of a different schedule with you having absolute say to change it back if it doesn't work for you? If not, or if it's not right for you and D, don't do it. Don't worry about why she's doing it or if it works for her- it doesn't matter. If she had some pressing reason like a work schedule changed, that would be different. Last I checked, you are the one with work and she has lots of free time- it should revolve more around you.

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3. Yes she's in kindergarten, she's 5.5yo. She goes to a private day care school for kindergarten. They're not that strict about it.


Take her! Jeez, I wish my dad had been involved enough to think of taking me out of school a few days to do something fun and awesome like that- please take her!!!

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Thanks for your guys comments!! I'm not even sure why I'm upset maybe because she's got her life all setup by surrounding herself with roommates and friends that support her agenda while I have to pick up the pieces and try to put my and DD's life back on track alone.


You are not alone. We are here. You are not alone. You don't even know if W is happy- this may be all illusion and fluff, she could be the most insecure, miserable person ever- she won't let you know if she is, though. I think it's high time you started getting out and meeting some people to hang out with in your copious free time wink. Maybe even- gasp- instead of hanging out with us here for hours a day smile. You are a cool guy- I would hang out with you if you were closer. I am not a loser, ergo, you can find other cool, nice non-weird people to make friends with if you want to. I want to hear about activities you'd like to try that involve other people- adults. All the stuff you put on your list is great, but it's about your person or solo activities. Even making some acquaintances will help you not feel so alone- just someone to go to a game or a movie with once in awhile, you know?

(((SR)))

When the men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go;
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving slow;
Go ask Alice...
I think she'll know.