How to approach W about OM

[OfficerInNeed]

"Mr Bond, what on earth is so terrible about cooperating with your spouse when they feel anxious and seeing their husband's phone sets their mind at ease?"

There's nothing wrong with "cooperating" or showing your spouse your phone. The issue is that she is the one who had the A, not him. And even after he shows her the phone (or she takes it which is disrespectful), she still treats him like sh*t.

And besides, the phone is only a part of the larger picture. She hasn't wanted to fess up to what she had done wrong. No remorse, no regret. She's playing the victim. Sure she was hurt in the past, but let's face it. All M are like that. Sometimes you hurt your spouse without meaning to, sometimes they hurt you. But you don't go and have an A because of it. And you definitely don't continue to treat someone like dirt when he's been bending over backwards for her.

My W as well as other WASs on here have done the same. You of all people know that. His W hasn't been as transparent as he has because he hasn't really put her to task.

IMO, it really is time for OIN to take care of himself. OIN, you're just driving yourself crazy and it's not even your drama. She wants attention, fine. But there's a difference between good attention and bad attention. Bottom line is that she told you she was still leaving, okay, so do something different.

You can be friendly, but don't bend over backwards for her. Take care of yourself first my friend. Get yourself strong. Then you can tackle her issues head on and not be second-guessing yourself.

I am doing a lot for myself. I work out, I started to do new things. I stay occupied with work. I am finding faith. I am seeing a therapist. I conquered my anger issues. I am slowly conquering my insecurities with the help of counseling and books.

My W sleeps all day! When she is not sleeping she is showering/bathing or at work (being giddy).

I hand her my phone (upon her request).

She treats me like dirt because I abused her for several years. I treated her like dirt.

I am slowly detaching myself from hanging on her every word and action. It is tough when the person you love gives a sliver of hope and it seems when she realizes she did, she then retracts her comments and dishes out a "I'm leaving"

I am using this forum as a journal, as way to vent (better here than to her), for opinions, advice and a resource. Who better to chime in than those who lived it?

My W was the greatest. There was nothing she would not do for me. She put up with so much of my garbage and managed to maintain a smile. She always put me and our R before herself. I took it all for granted, showed no appreciation and on top of that treated her like DIRT! I DESERVE all this (except for the EA part). I will endure HELL to get my W back, I just want to make sure in the process I make the necessary changes for self so I don't stray down the same roads of the past. Dont get me wrong we still had great times and thats how we made it so far, and we still have some good times considering the situation.