You might do a search to find recommendations from a guest Oprah had on last year on this very topic. Basically, the recommendations were to have a frank conversation with your child, primarily asking questions such as:
1. Are you willing to fully accept the consequences of having a child right now? No birth control is 100%.
2. Are you willing to fully accept the consequences of contracting an STD? Condoms break.
3. How will you handle a break up in the future? Can you handle the strong emotions if it comes to that?
4. Have you asked him to be tested and agreed to be tested yourself?
5. Have you had a conversation with your potential partner NOT in the heat of passion about the questions above?
The thing is, you can't stop her if she makes the decision. But if you ask those questions directly, without threats or judgment, she can think through the possible consequences and enter into a sexual relationship consciously rather than because she's got a lot of hormones spurring her on along with strong feelings about the boy.
For what it's worth, I think being open with your child is the best tactic. My mother wasn't open, she was threatening and made sex before marriage seem slutty and dirty. I know she was just afraid, but it's had lasting consequences on how I feel about sex and my ability to let go and enjoy it.
Finally, keep breathing.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
