You are giving time in your head to way too many thoughts about W and what is going on with her. You cannot fix her. It is unhealthy for you to keep dwelling on this. You will be STUCK in PAIN until you realize what everyone has been telling you.
You need to focus on you and that doesn't mean focus on how much you miss W or what you could have done in your M. Your M is dead. Your old M anyway. You will not have a new one until you get yourself healthy and you can't do that until you detach. I know your dark but your thoughts are not.
Try a simple goal. When you wake up until noon tomorrow every time you think about W STOP yourself and think about something else no matter how many tinmes it happens. You have got to get yourself off these thoughts man!
The rest of the day let yourself think it if you want then try and go longer the next day. This is a lot easier if you are GALing and not sitting there staring at the ceiling which is why the advice to GAL.
I am woried about you man...there is nothing but heartache down this path you continue to go down.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
