How to approach W about OM

[MrBond]

I doubt if she's going to call you, but if she does, that's a positive. Right now she has her home, a new bed to sleep on and you're the one inconvenienced by being at your parent's place. There were alot of "I"s and "my"s in her conversation. "My business", "I'm counting the days".

Ignore her. Personally I'd go back. Why should you be the one to leave if SHE feels uncomfortable?

[OfficerInNeed]

OK her is what happened...btw my parents live right next door lol...

Before I was able to read any of the responses I did go back, because I forgot part of my work uniform. When there she was on the couch and asked what I was lookinbg for so I told her. I left again and had the opportunity to read your posts.

Allen,
In our conversation earlier my W admitted that she was suffering from border lin depression. I thought about what you said about how she feels as if I react to her actions always making it seem like she initiated the problem.


I realized by leaving I was just repeating old patterns. I know I could have gave her a taste of divorce and wanted to but at the same time is it right for me to walk out and make her feel like her feelings don't matter? I went back... I said "I was sitting there and realized by me leaving was just repeating old patterns. What happened earlier was not your fault, I understand how you feel" she said "you can never understand" I replied "you are right"...

Earlier we had rented a movie so I asked "would you like to watch the movie" she said "if you would like" so I started the movie up and that's where we are now....

Should I leave after the movie and say "it would be better it I stayed there" ? Or stay?

[jasper67]

I would just stay...dont say anything- listen to what she says when she says she wants to live stress free...bear in mind she will bait you and suck you in (or try)- like Allen said, if that happens, you are too pre-occupied or busy to do so...

[OfficerInNeed]

How much damage do you think was done? Should I now become the WAS? After today, I am drained, the person she has become.... I don't know.

[OfficerInNeed]

Alright the movie is over. Great movie btw. At tines she looked over at me and laughed. I had to run upstairs real quick (I had already seen the movie) she asked what I was doing I went back down and she wanted to see my phone. I attempted to show her something on the phone but she was tossing and turning so I could not. Then after she seen whatever she wanted to see she tossed my phone and said "doesn't matter"....?? I thought to myself "if this all does not matter why are we going through this?"

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Because you keep allowing it.

[OfficerInNeed]

What are you suggesting PDT?

As far as DBing goes, when something that was working no longer works then I should try something different... I want to make sure when all is said and done I did everything and tried everything. One thing I have not tried yet is to give her even more space by staying some place else for a few days and what for her response but giving our history I am not sue if it will help any

[Jasmine]

I had to run upstairs real quick (I had already seen the movie) she asked what I was doing I went back down and she wanted to see my phone. I attempted to show her something on the phone but she was tossing and turning so I could not. Then after she seen whatever she wanted to see she tossed my phone and said "doesn't matter"....?? I thought to myself "if this all does not matter why are we going through this?"

I find this offensive. YOU already saw the movie so you really are not giving this time together 100% of your undivided attention not to mention you left during the movie. Watch a movie together that you have not seen or if you watch one together that you have, put up with it! I would have been upset and thrown your phone at you too. Was that more important than spending the time with her? She wanted to feel that her time is just as valuable as yours. You both set aside the time to watch a movie together. Give it your all

[OfficerInNeed]

I had to run upstairs to get a dog toy so the puppy would stop howling so we could hear the movie

[MrBond]

Jasmine, the problem is that he has been giving her his undivided attention. In fact, a little too much and she still manages to drag him into her drama.