so that's what i'm telling myself right now. that he's just crazy.
I think he may be - you seem like a very caring person who would've been able to help him become a better man.
I was wondering if you could tell him that you'll do it the month of the D, if there is one. When you talk to your L, maybe ask him if you can just ignore it until then - if YOU want to, that is. I think you're right, any legal agreement is like saying game over. Still, no one can ever gaurantee anyone else's behaviour.
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why i want to force this man into counseling or reconciling when he's the one who left to begin with.
I'm not sure if I can imagine being with my wife till death just yet. But I am hopeful and trying. Love sure makes a huge difference. As you've said, forcing someone isn't probably that effective, but again, each person is different.
If you are sure you want to try still, the trade of agreement for counselling is a reasonable one. In counselling, you can find out some details of what is really going on that is separating the two of you. He hasn't said why, just forgiveness. Of course, he could stonewall, but if he still loves you and you ask through that love and explain it is for a sense of closure, I would wonder if he would agree.
Maybe in a month he's going to change his mind, but for me, separation in our house made me feel separate. Trying to fully reattach is harder now - I get flashbacks and memories of dreams I had invented to make a D seem good. More time might only make it harder.
You had some excellent questions about your motivations for yourself. Those seem very important to answer before you decide anything. Maybe it was an illusion. But I doubt it. You seem to have many good memories. You have the right to ask for a clear explanation. That can be over time, in peices, or through some kind of MC or whatever. He has the right to refuse, but you can ask guilt free. Think of it like a job - wouldn't you ask?
