For almost getting it, and by almost I mean you are so close and then skirt back into old defensive modes.
You are an LBS.
You as an LBS had an impact on the failing marriage.
If the LBS doesn't change...and hopefully those changes are the ones the LBS make for themselves...that just happen to fall in line with what makes for a good partner in a relationship...
Then there is little hope for a long term reconcilliation.
Also if you cannot forgive...then this is just as pointless.
For the record.
I never 'called' you a whiney bitch. : )
I said we see you how you present yourself to us.
We all have masks here. We present one side. The reality has more dimensions than that one though.
Edit - Yes, you have made changes...job city, house...but those AREN'T actually the changes I mean, or most here mean...the change is in your and how you see things and react and do.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 04/01/1008:11 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I don't know what all is going on within your wife. I don't.
I know that if all of this is just a game to her, or even if it's just some devious manipulation to keep you at bay so that she can punish you and have her fun at the same time...well, then she is an evil, awful person.
I don't know you or your wife. But I don't think that is who or what she is.
I don't think you do either.
What if she misses the two of you, your family. But what if she's afraid that if she just gives in and asks you back, that things will go back to what they were. What if she reached a point inside where she told herself that she would never go back to what it had become.
What if that gave her justification in her confused mind to find another person. And what if after she did, and after the family was split apart, what if she began to question herself.
What if all these positive interactions right now are genuine, but at the same time the actions of a confused and scared person.
And what if she can't tell you all this, because you are no longer someone she can trust with the weight that's really on her heart.
What if she wants to believe it could happen, but another part of her insists that there is not enough reason to believe.
What if she NEEDS to play it safe for now. What if she needs to SEE what's really important to you. What if she needs to SEE if it's really possible for you to change from what was to what should have been.
That's a lot of what if's Bradley. All the things that you CAN interpret as negatives, could just as well be potential positives. All the time you are expecting and believing in the worst - all the time you are investing in questioning your choices simply because of what she MIGHT be doing or thinking - all that time could be used strengthening yourself, understanding yourself, being honest with yourself.....CHANGING yourself.....into the man who would be worthy of a woman pulling herself back from the brink and back to her family.
Paralysis by analysis is what you're doing Bradley. And it's tough for us because we don't know if it's because you just hate giving up some of your stuff, or because you're really afraid to try. We just know you're stuck.
Change your mind Bradley.
Act as if the good and positive things were real and out there for you to embrace.
These are DB'ing principles. They keep us from floundering and wasting valuable time. They keep us from missing golden opportunities to get to the place we want to go.
We want you to win Brad. We want your whole family to win.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I am sorry you are getting hit hard today, but we sometimes need that........will pray for you and your family This is one of my favorites in the word of God.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. PSALM 34 18-19
I speak to Bradley on a daily basis. He has a lot going on right now and I think it taking a break from posting. I'll let him know to check his thread.
He is still in a "tough" spot.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
