No longer sitting on the fence

[Drew]

I think your response is very good. It allows him to firm up his work travel plans. And if you would like to keep the kids on certain days, just trade for other days.

I try to be as flexible as possible with my ex when it comes to work travel arrangements because I often need the same consideration.

And I try not to worry about celebrating on "actual" days. I've found that it doesn't really matter. We could celebrate Christmas in July and the kids wouldn't care, they just care about celebrating WITH you.

[motherof3]

And I try not to worry about celebrating on "actual" days. I've found that it doesn't really matter. We could celebrate Christmas in July and the kids wouldn't care, they just care about celebrating WITH you.

Good point. Thanks Drew.

[flowmom]

I am leaning towards telling H that I would be happy to help him out on the Wednesday and Thursday so that he can go ahead and firm up his travel plans. I would also tell H that trading these days for Monday and/or Tuesday is something I will have to think about and get back to him at a later date.

Sounds good to me! Be flexible, but don't give up things that are important to you.

[motherof3]

I just got back from meeting H at the accoutants. You can check filing the 2009 taxes off my list. It is depressing how much of my money the government gets. Such is life, I guess.

Anyways, there were a few momments that were hard to get through such has still being referred to as married. Which I guess we are technically but...

Next year the taxes will be so much more complicated. Who gets to clain what kid? Who gets to deduct which childcare expenses? Taxes on alimony, if I get any. Etc.

Then I come back to the boards and read on someone's thread that all of this work to save the marriage is a lost cause because in all likelihood, when a WAS says they are done, they mean it.

Someone please remind me why I even bother. Why do I still care? It would be so much easier to just walk away if H were being a deadbeat dad, tramping around (or maybe he is, IDK). Add to the mystery, why he mentioned D as late as December 2009 and still hasn't filed. Sh$t or get off the pot already. You wanted this so bad, just do it already.

Sorry about the ranting. Bad day.

[Ken62]

I read that too motherof3 and it didn't help my mood either. Trying not to get down but it is amazing how certain things can hit you.

Chin up!

[Ready2Change]

Hi Mo3.

Not following your sitch, but:

HUGS HUGS HUGS

[CityGirl]

I am the one that say IMO when a WAS says they are done most of the time they are done.

What I didn't say the work the LBS does is a lost cause. If you come out better than your life will be okay. Life might not be what you thought it would be you will be okay. And being okay is the first step in rebuilding a great life for YOU no matter what the WAS does.

[Ready2Change]

Then I come back to the boards and read on someone's thread that all of this work to save the marriage is a lost cause because in all likelihood, when a WAS says they are done, they mean it.

Hey sweetie,

There are no quick fixes. Getting the R back on track is a long term goal. We set the WAS free, work on ourselves so we are not co-dependent and become happy WITHOUT them (or anyone else). We don't let other peoples stories of success of failure affect our path. We learn from others what character traits we want to change in ourselves and then do it.

[Kalni]

I never posted to you before, but what you wrote about reading something that affected you, "did" something to me...

First, allow me to introduce myself: I have been in this mess for 3 years, separated from my H for 2, he had an affair with a woman for 3 years that was/probably is, determined to build a life with him, he went all the way AWAY from me, he fell deeply in love with her, did things and made choices that I would have never thought him capable of, I detached and fell in love with a great man and...now we are now trying to reconcile. I dont know if we will make it, but finally I got my second chance. That is all I asked for.

I dont care what anybody says, I understand why people can be negative, I was too, I dont care if most cases here arent gonna have a happy ending, I only know that nobody knows which one WILL have a happpy ending (apart from some "weird" cases sometimes I cant believe they are true).

So, my point is, dont get discouraged. Have faith, not in "making it" , in yourself. Focus on yor goal, be strong, be PATIENT, and do your best. Nothing goes wasted. For me it has been the most intense period of my life for many reasons. I cant even imagine where we would be at if this had not occured. I second guess my choices often and I cant claim there wasnt much unnessecary pain. But it happened. And life has twists and turns nobody can predict.

If we dont make it, I will be (eventually) sleeping with a smile on my face. I havent read your sitch and forgive me for appearing out of nowhere. My advice is to keep your eyes on your goal and be smart. Listen to people but filter everything. Balance your heart and your mind and you will be fine. This isnt a sprint, it is a long, difficult marathon. Nobody can promise you will make it to the "other" side, nobody can predict you will not.
Good luck
K

[jtish7234]

That is very good advice! I hope everything turns out the way you want it too. I hope I am as fortunate as you to get a second chance, because I believe family is something special to fight for no matter what the problems may be.