I wondered about that, H4L. My mom worked (with lots of take-home work), cooked & preserved everything from scratch, but wasn't too bothered about the state of the house. As a result, I was embarrassed to have friends over, and am still a bit angsty about, "How could you tell them to just come over when I haven't CLEANED yet?"
The issues which are triggered the hardest while person are in crisis are often the ones from childhood, which they "overlay" with the current situation without even noticing. Unfortunately, until they learn to distinguish between past feelings and the current situation, it's impossible for them to change (or appreciate that your house is not actually a mess).
In the meantime, I really like FM's suggestions for not reacting. And why react, when it really is him, not you?
