Bill- There probably is a sliver of a chance... yes. That's why I'm still standing. As for trust, you mention most of you would have said that early on... but how many of you ever really did trust again?
Brooklyn-- I'm not sure what I want for me anymore. that's kindof hard to figure out. I'm a bit lost these days. What I know I do want is to be in my kids lives, to see them every day. Ideally I would want to be able to put them to bed, read them stories... be there for them when they wake in the night. I think for now I should be able to see them pretty regularly starting in two weeks.
Eric- thanks again for all your thoughts and support friend. you are a really really great friend and I'm lucky to know you.
Fig- I was ok with bagging on the job. but she really wanted to check it out. yes I think there is part of her that is doing it because it would allow me to stay in cardiac surg. but we are both from new england, its on the coast-- cool town.. and I do believe there is a part of her that feels perhaps a new start for all of us, up there... would be the thing to do. this is what she says. I'm looking at it as at least a chance to get away for the weekend with her and see what that is like... will have to keep expectations way down though.
its a big deal for her for me to give up heart surgery as well. she was there in the trenches with me. she sacrificed a lot for it.
you are right though that I feel sometimes that I want the game played my way...
OP-- this take is probably the best way to deal with it. and I treat her very well, so yea if she were dying I'd probably treat her the same way... I pretty much deny her nothing. I support her. I try to help her with her projects, her problems. I want nothing more than to support and help her.
one thing I am working on is trying to be positive with her. despite what you all think! I am trying to be positive.
