I don't know why it's an issue. It was an issue since before he left me. Part of it is that he thinks I didn't hold up my responsibilities as an at home mom - he was working all day so when S is in school I should have been doing more cleaning, less theater. It's reasonable. BUt since he left it's become this weird thing he nitpicks at almost constantly, for months is a rage - and it pushes rejection buttons in me - like "If you want me to even consider coming back here you should get this house more comfortable for me"
Sometimes I think it's a weird acting out of his dad's traditional mentality - women did all the cooking and cleaning and childcare, even when they had jobs outside the home - a way to be dominant.
Othertimes, I think he felt his needs weren't respected so he pushing more for them now. I want to respect his needs in ways I didn't before, but I also don't want to be spoken to in a dominated way.
Other than that, I have no idea. It's a constant criticism that underneath is "proof" to him that i"m untrustworthy, untogether, incapable of being a safe wife, mother, human being. In that way, I feel it's more WAS blather - see how untogether you are? WHy would I want to come home?
I used to spend the entire in terror scrubbing the house in anticipation of him coming home. I refuse to do that now but it's still there - no matter what I do clean, he'll nitpick on the thing I didn't.
