I know that porn is designed to make all the body parts feel lust & desire. I don't expect her to win the battle. Is it fair to ask her to try to compete? (Wear nicer clothes & that kind of stuff.)
When we first got married, I found it really hard to please her in bed. IF she got to that spot, she never told me. She wouldn't ever tell me (I asked in many ways) what she liked. She would say things felt great, but I knew she wasn't getting there. So I gave up trying to convince her that without telling me what she liked I wouldn't be able to do better.
At that point in our M, I was more worried about going too fast, but she always said she got 'there', so I ignored the fact that it didn't seem likely. I took pride in always caring about her satisfaction, but if she wouldn't talk about it so I don't think there was any way I could've made it better. After the drought we had after that and the much worse problems we had with sex, I wasn't OK to let it go. So on our first reconciliation attempt, I made the decision to talk directly about the problems.
Talking about it doesn't solve them, but I'm OK with living this way with bad to OK to amazing sex, depending on the day etc. She isn't. That is why I can't leave the issue. Plus, now that I've given her the porn problem and a promise to stop my addiction with help, I need to try to make sex more attractive than solo action.
Thanks for the choc idea...I think I'll try that. I love massaging her, so I'll try that, too. Wow - good advice!
Forgiveness is all I seem to be asking for. Even in the D talks, I always focused on needing full forgiveness. I KNOW I've been an a** at times. Who is on these boards and hasn't been? I'll keep asking for it.
And, trying to make my actions take over to prove it. I just hope she doesn't keep up stonewalling my attempts and really can and does forgive/accept me & my problems
