The physical distance does feel utterly ridiculous and surreal.I know how that feels. The awkward skirting and maintaining of an invisible barrier between you. Thankfully I think that has mostly been broken down in my sitch.
There is also a mental feeling of discomfort and incredulity because you don't know HOW to interact in the new dynamic. I think part of it is self imposed and you have to allow yourself to physically relax in the person's presence. If you are not comfortable with the "acquaintance interaction" or you want to switch it up, do your part i.e allow YOURSELF to relax, stand your physical ground, let him skirt if he wants to. You are not intimidated, it does not bother you, you are smiling a little mysterious smile because you are a mature adult and you can handle it.
FM - You did the right thing letting H deal with your son. I can relate with wanting to take S off of his hands. But it is H's turn to wear big boy undies. Let him be the parent tonight. Not easy, but necessary.
(((FM)))
Originally Posted By: kara
The physical distance does feel utterly ridiculous and surreal.I know how that feels. The awkward skirting and maintaining of an invisible barrier between you.
So very true. I am slowly trying to get past the 'awkward' barrier that has been set up. My goal at this point is to be able to co-parent without this barrier.
Quote:
There is also a mental feeling of discomfort and incredulity because you don't know HOW to interact in the new dynamic. I think part of it is self imposed and you have to allow yourself to physically relax in the person's presence. If you are not comfortable with the "acquaintance interaction" or you want to switch it up, do your part i.e allow YOURSELF to relax, stand your physical ground, let him skirt if he wants to. You are not intimidated, it does not bother you, you are smiling a little mysterious smile because you are a mature adult and you can handle it.
Very good advice here and I agree with it 100%. The hard part if actually being able to accomplish this. Time and acting as if will help.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
I went on a beautiful mountain shoeshoeing trip with strangers. It did my soul good to walk through the snow-covered old trees up to the mountaintop, where I could see the sun setting behind a peak, the ocean, and the glittering city lights. We then crunched back in the dark with the stars above. Pretty magical. Although I am still not fit for conversation, there was a pleasant camaraderie in the group and some points of common interest.
What worked for me about this: - adventure - being in my body - beauty - out of my normal environment - shared experience - not much pressure to perform socially - free
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I think part of it is self imposed and you have to allow yourself to physically relax in the person's presence. If you are not comfortable with the "acquaintance interaction" or you want to switch it up, do your part i.e allow YOURSELF to relax, stand your physical ground, let him skirt if he wants to. You are not intimidated, it does not bother you, you are smiling a little mysterious smile because you are a mature adult and you can handle it.
Thank you Kara. I appreciate your encouragement to relax around H. I think I'm ready to start doing that. He can act however he wants, but I'm ready to be more fully myself now. I need to stop acting out of fear. I can stick to my chosen code of behaviour without suppressing ME.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
FM, you have no idea how awesome that sounds to me. I've dreamt of doing stuff like that...just the wilderness, the stars and the sese of being in a magical place. Awesome! did I tell you I love the outdoors?
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Do it SR . There are lots of people out there looking for others to share outdoor adventures with. Google hiking clubs in your area. It took quite a while before I found something that works with my schedule (the snowshoeing trip), but when I did I pounced on it.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
flowmom, I love that the trip went well and that you had a good time. You survived the night in many ways! It even sounds like nary a deranged snowshoe killer was in sight!
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