I, honestly, had to step away from this MB for a bit and cry 'cause this topic brings up such bad memories.
I'm sorry that my (and your H) problems have hurt you as it does my W.
I tried to convince her that the big problem is sex takes time and porn is fast. It is more than that. I'm big enough that she gets so wet, I get no friction to get off. Like I'm talking a good day is 26 minutes of action. That is hard to maintain - porn was so much easier. Especially when we had years of fighting and the last thing I wanted was more kids. (condoms made it impossible for me to climax, she refused the pill and IUD until mid last year)
I think if I began very attracted to my W, an accident wouldn't bother me. That is me and it is a hypothetical consideration. I just need something to love her body, or find a way to convince her that loving HER is enough.
When I can't and see her sadness that I don't love her body, I want to cry, too. Tearing up now, I can't help but wish I hadn't married her so I wouldn't have hurt her so much. I was screwing up, so I deserve some of what I got. I never really even thought she liked sex until Retrou, so I my past blames and attacks seem so much more mean now.
But how to solve it?? I'm hoping so much that the doc will have some magic plan. I've thought of the pill to help me 'look' attracted, but will that work or just look like a sham? I've blamed stress for getting soft, but when I say stress she feels hopeless.
But I did commit. I like GL's idea of stopping my thoughts of W being unattractive. I started thinking to myself she is beautiful a month ago, and looking for body parts I do love. I guess I need more work.
