I don't know if this is going to help, but I hope it does...

I knew my M was a failure from the 3rd week. But, I kept up smiles, dinners, and as passionate sex as I could. I prayed.

Now, 10 1/2 yrs later, my screw-ups that were happening before and until now, and to be fair hers as well, have got me here.

I'm not sorry that I tried. I can forgive myself for my immature and ADHD failures combined. But I know I tried.

I don't know if my M will survive today. I can promise you though, the failures you feel are nothing compared to mine. If things work out, you'll be proud.

If they don't, at least be proud of the fact that he and you did what you could to solve things after 5 yrs, not 11. The feeling of failure hurts so, so much more when kids are affected as well as a W.

Let it go. Gnosis posted the following. I'm NOT sure if you should detatch now, but if you want to detatch more, it is something to conside.

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Detachment is hard. It's easy to say, "Hey man, just erase the past decade of your life and move forward..." and that is bullshirt. Because during that period you had some really good times. You don't want to erase those because it would mean your life was meaningless -- and if you have children, it also erases the kids.

Unfortunately, it takes time. In the beginning we fall into the "attachment trap" subconsciously and need people to point it out to us. This continues until we become consciously aware of it, then we can consciously work on detaching until it becomes second nature.

The worst thing about the situation we find ourselves in is the extent of destruction that has been caused. We constantly dwell on it. When we are "in the moment", we can't see the forest for the trees, and we sink into depression. The depression happens because we are completely powerless to do anything about the situation. Even though we "know" we'll get through it, it still sucks.

I hate the phrases, "It needs time" , "It will pass with time". Yes, those terms are true. And the pain and hurt DOES subside with time. But what can we do to accelerate it? There is nothing we can do to make time go faster or slower.

There is ONE thing we CAN do however...

The "trick" is to minimize your mental activity on the situation for now. For now, don't think back on the good times or the crap that is going on. All we can do is GAL and get busy...and find things we enjoy doing. Firstly to distract ourselves from the crap that is going on, then, when we do it long enough, it becomes a habit. We become so occupied that we "forget" the fiasco at home.

That's when our mindset starts changing... we find ourselves looking forward to enjoying ourselves, improving ourselves... FOR ourselves. And we discover how our happiness depends on ourselves. With our improved self-esteem, confidence we find that when we do look back, we now have the mental strength to cope with what seemed insurmountable at first.