Oh - and I do feel ashamed. Greatly. I have for every time I did it. There is a religious phrase we have that 'looking with lust is the fornication of the eye.'
Ashamed would be an understatement. If I didn't, I would've confided in a close friend, or her, before this month.
An as far as prioritorizing...I knew I didn't love her nor was I attracted when I married her. In her culture, it is hard for divorced women to remarry if the marriage was consumated. Also, some people said I just married for a quickie and would leave her there. I took the chance that in Canada we'd be happy despite the evidence to the contrary, so that I could at least give us a fighting chance. She's always loved me deeply. I didn't want to break her heart without working hard. And I did try, but she got pregnant, and grumpy by her 3rd week here.
Would you leave a person who was pregnant and doesn't speak English in Canada alone and divorced?
Isn't that priortorizing her needs over mine? I tried many times to kindle love on my side. All the while, my sins were blocking me and I had no idea she even knew.
When she told me she knew, I didn't blame her at all. Isn't that considering her feelings?
I AM trying. Please, be fair with me. I'm looking for advice, not attacks.
