There is not a post that goes by where you don't emphasize how unattractive your W is to you. Perhaps you have convinced yourself of that.
It is terribly rude when your W knows you are not attracted to her to even comment that a waitress has a hairstyle that would look good on your W. The jokes you make to your W are also rude and hurtful.
You keep saying you know you should not do these things but you keep doing them. Perhaps you need to ask yourself why.
