I'm going to rant.....it could get lengthy dont mind me I just type faster than I write and I have no other outlet right now.....

I honestly dont feel good right now. I've been keeping busy and doing things that I want to do but each time I see her I feel as though my heart is being ripped out. I'm dying inside and I see how my daughter is being affected by this. She stole the neighbors puppy yesterday!!! I don't know what to do any more. I wish I could just pick the f up and get away. I want to be away from her I want her to just leave me and my kids alone for a while. I love her more than I can express but if that doesn't matter how will it ever? If she sees no value in us(i mean our entire family) how will she ever? I'm so unbelievably tired. My son has started to not sleep through the night, my daughter is becoming a clepto and I'm just a wreck. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm doing a good job and that I am on the right track but I don't even see a track I just see a sinking hole. I feel as though everything is being ripped from my hands and soul and I just dont know what to do.

I want my heart to be free of these bonds that have it so tightly wrapped. I want to be happy. I don't want to be lonely anymore. The worst time for me is when I put my kids down for the night. I usually stay up for about another hour or so but that hour is defined by utter loss and grief.

I'm tired of being closed up and not being able to say what I want to say. I want to destroy every picture I have of us together and just get rid of everything that will remind me of her, then at the same time I don't.

I've felt loss and felt grief, anger, frustration everything. I just didn't know I had the capacity to feel all of them at the same time.

I wish none of us were here.

I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.

Like:
D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30

"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."