Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[june72]

I am going to be honest with you. I have ballooned in weight- 20 lbs when my thyroid stopped working and another 25 piled on this year quickly after my hubby serperated from me (that with working part time from home and an extreme sleep deprivation with a constantly sick kid). Honestly I have no good excuse. I am working with a goal of a 50 pound weight loss. 6 pounds down so far.

My hubby for years was disgusted with me for the extra 25 lbs. Absolutely repulsed by it. Couldn't stand it. Hurtful comments, mean looks of disgust. You know where it got him? With that and other issues- a woman who wanted to leave him.


Don't you get it? Why would a person WANT to be with someone that finds them repulsive? Why? Would you?

And here is the kicker. after all these years. You feel hopeless b/c you know that no matter what- you could slip again in looks and your getting older anyhow and you now have stretch marks from having kids. You know you will never be good enough in a way. Am I making sense.


So, like you, my hubby is trying to make amends. It's a very tough spot. How do you repair years worth of damage? How? You have to work your butt off- that is how. You have to pay compliments every single day. You have to do things that would make her feel special in her eyes. Every single time you see her naked you have to say something positive, IDK, like-"wow, look at that" (with a smile), etc.


Let me explain something to you. You may find a lot of blame in her for the demise of the marriage. But do you get how much you F'ed up? Do really understand the gravity of it?(Ok, this may be me sliding into talking to my hubby here... not sure if I am prejudged)


Anyhow, I can tell you that my hubby is now bending over backwards to try and show that he does find me desirable. I see huge efforts on his part. You my friend have to do the same.


I mean I know deep down that- my looks are not what he would like. But I think he is getting that having me is the package deal. All or nothing- take the good with the bad. Yes, I am making more effort to do my hair and makeup and finding more attractive clothes and eating healthier etc. But I am not going to ever be the gorgeous gal I once was.

Am I getting the message across? No, oh poor me, no, why is she not filling my needs better. You have man up and make her feel attractive. Do lots of work towards it. IF you do that she will take more interest in her appearance and work on that too.


It's a tough spot I know that men really want their women to look awesome always. Women find that hard to achieve. It's like you are never good enough. Honestly it's cr@p like that that makes me want to write off all men.

OK, honestly, I am getting triggers about my marital discord. I better zip my lips.


Anyhow, all the best. Keep moving forward. It's not the destination at the end but the walk itself that matters. Do not left fears and doubts trip you up on your journey.