Ok - I know this isn't really the perfect forum for this....but this is the forum I have (with a lot of friends)......so here goes:
In an effort to raise my kids differently than I was (and because this is a different world than when I was a teenager), I have tried to encourage an open atmosphere about talking about our bodies and (now) sex. When I was 12 my sex talk with my mother was: so you know you're old enough to get pregnant? This was thrown at me while helping her fold clothes. I was completely embarrassed and of course said yes, and the conversation was over. My mother never told me about getting a period-----it just happened and it freaked me out. (OK - too much information here, sorrry). Anyway, I have made a point to talk to my girls about their bodies and the changes they would experience, etc......and had detailed discussions about periods and asked that they come to me with ANY questions about their bodies, sex, and anything else. It was awkward, but I think effective---I stressed to them that what they hear on the streets, isnt' exactly truth, and that I would try to help with any questions they had.
OK - flash forward to now. My D16 has been dating the same boy for 2 years now. She is a junior, he is a senior. We've talked openly about their relationship. I taked to her early on in their relationship about dating, and sex---and that it was not anything to get into until SHE was ready. I told her that I would RATHER that she waited until she was married, and 35----but that I know what it is like to "be in love" and a teenager, and that things can happen fast......that she needed to think ahead.
In December she had surgery to repair a twisted ovary (who knew that could happen?). In February her surgeon recommmended that she go on the pill for 9 months in an effort to regulate her periods (that were really messed up and because her uterus had such a thick layer, that she thought it necessary). So........we had the conversation again, about sex and being on the pill and that there was more to think about than just pregnancy.....emotional, disease.......she said that her and BF were not ready for sex, but maybe soon.........we talked briefly about it, and she said that she would let me know WHEN she was ready.
OK - not much time has passed, and last night she tells me that she thinks they may be ready. It took me off guard. I told her that I understood,but that it is HUGE. I told her that it will change their relationship forever, and that I hoped she had given it a lot of thought. UGhhhhhh.......on one hand I am happy that she can come to me and talk openly, but on the other, I don't think I'm handling this right-----I think there is more I need to say........I know I can't say NO---ABSOLUTELY DO NOT HAVE SEX.....help??? I would like to have some words of wisdom, on what I can say to follow-up----or more to say about what this will mean for her.
I've had sex with one man. The man that is now divorcing me. The man that I thought I would be with FOREVER. The man that is now an alien. We started dating when I was 14, and I feel like she is mirroring my life. It's a bit scary. I have to resist the urge to yell RUN for your life!!!!
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
