C
there are no easy answers
I too struggled so hard and long with these same questions
I obviously lost the fight to get my M back

all you can do is try your best
keeping the door open allows for a r--but it also is very painful for the LBS to have contact and watch her H leave to OW
it also allows H to keep a foot in both worlds--which is fantasy
H cant have it both ways
at this point H will usually only from what Ive seen here choose OW b/c R is still new and she makes him feel good
I thinbk it is a game to OW
limiting contact makes H see and feel the reality..spouse is gone and will not be his best friends anymore
there are NO guarantees but as time goes on you will get stronger and better able to detach more therefore, helping you heal
H has to work his A out alone either he will stay or go
you will do best to stay out of it completely
if we poush they will choose OW for sure
Peace

married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow